Eight years ago, I found myself in the school hallway with my rambunctious 2-year-old, Max, while we waited for his older siblings to finish their classes. This time of day was always challenging. Max would become a little whirlwind, frustrated that I wouldn’t let him run around and shout in a quiet space. How unreasonable of me, right?
“You need to be quiet and patient. The kids are still learning,” I would insist. It felt like an endless struggle. He rarely verbalized his dissent; instead, he tested my patience, and I often felt like I was wrestling a small tornado for what seemed like an eternity.
However, one day, the situation escalated when he decided to express his displeasure verbally. “Mommy, I don’t like you,” he declared, a classic attempt at backtalk. I couldn’t hide my irritation.
“Well, Mommy doesn’t like it when you don’t listen and speak disrespectfully,” I responded firmly. He paused, taken aback.
Some might consider my response too harsh, but I simply cannot stand backtalk. It ignites my temper. After that encounter, Max’s behavior improved during pickup time, likely because he felt the sting of my words. Of course, this wasn’t a permanent solution. Both he and his siblings still occasionally tested the waters of rudeness, fully aware of my limits.
Fast forward eight years, and I’m now in my kitchen, exasperatedly telling Max, “If you’re going to say something that makes you sound rude, just don’t say it.” I don’t think my kids fully grasp the weight of my words, especially when my frustration is palpable.
I have zero tolerance for disrespectful behavior, whether it’s directed at me or anyone else. They know better. I approach this issue with a no-nonsense attitude, often responding with a firm hand. I feel it’s necessary to remind them of the consequences of their actions.
I firmly believe that we teach others how to treat us. This doesn’t guarantee that people will always be kind; it simply means they understand the boundaries we’ve set. Our children are no exception to this principle.
I’ve attempted ignoring their misbehavior, but it backfires. They interpret my silence as permission to push further. This is especially true in public settings, where ignoring their sass only amplifies the situation. To avoid appearing lenient, I discipline them right then and there, which sometimes involves getting uncomfortably close and raising my voice.
My kids know that how they treat me dictates how they’ll be treated in return. While I might receive disapproving looks from others, I would rather be judged for holding my children accountable than for letting them speak to me or others with disrespect. After all, respect is a two-way street.
Their punishments have evolved over time. Initially, it involved taking away desserts and playdates, but we’ve now moved on to screen time restrictions, which means their beloved cell phones are often on the line.
They know my triggers—certain phrases or tones lead to immediate consequences. For example, if they interrupt me with a loud “I know, Mom!” when I’m asking them to do something, their phone vanishes for a week. I won’t sugarcoat it: maintaining this discipline is tough. I often feel guilty and consider returning their devices, especially if they show genuine remorse. But generally, I hold firm, even against their sweet pleas of “I love you, Mom.”
Despite some adults suggesting I might be too strict, my kids still slip into backtalk. They are human, after all, and sometimes their frustration spills over. I recognize that I, too, can be snappy when overwhelmed, but this is just part of the motherhood journey, and I’m committed to navigating it.
In summary, teaching respect and appropriate communication is an ongoing challenge in my household. While I navigate the ups and downs of parenting, I remain firm in my stance against backtalk—it’s a lesson I believe is crucial for my children’s growth. For more insights on parenting and personal stories, check out our other blog posts, and explore resources like the CDC for valuable information regarding pregnancy.