Your cart is currently empty!
My Family Doesn’t Define Me; I Define Myself
The other day, I paused to observe my husband and kids as they walked ahead of me after my daughter’s basketball game. When they turned back and noticed my absence, it was a sweet reminder of how nice it feels to be acknowledged, especially on those days when being a mom can feel like being a chauffeur or a housekeeper, particularly when you forget to pick up groceries.
My family holds a significant part of my heart; they bring me joy and evoke emotions I didn’t know I could experience—both the highs and the lows. They love me unconditionally, and I would fiercely protect them from harm. Yet, despite all this, they do not complete me.
Back in college, I remember discussing life ambitions with my roommate. I expressed a desire to be married with kids by 25. She agreed, but neither of us had the courage to admit that we thought having a family would make us whole. It’s a realization we’ve come to share over the years, yet neither of us feels that way now.
While my husband and kids have undoubtedly enriched my life, I’ve come to understand, especially as I’ve grown older, that true fulfillment and happiness are not things someone else can provide; they are internal journeys. I’ve noticed that during moments when I felt someone relied on me for their happiness, my instinct was to run away as fast as I could. That kind of pressure is overwhelming for anyone.
We might think our children are too young to feel this stress or expect our partners to fill the gaps in our lives, but I’ve learned that it just doesn’t work that way. It’s our responsibility to find our own sense of wholeness, not that of our children, partners, or friends. Being complete doesn’t equate to being happy all the time; it means being authentic, understanding oneself, having integrity, setting boundaries, and surrounding oneself with people and things that bring joy without being dependent on them for happiness.
As I age, I find myself more at peace, letting go of what doesn’t matter and honing in on what truly makes life beautiful for me. I am complete. I complete myself.
Before I know it, my kids will grow up and start their own families. Thankfully, since they don’t wholly define me, I won’t feel lost when they embark on their journeys of self-discovery. I can’t do that for them, and how could I guide them to chase their own dreams if I don’t pursue my own?
I write. I run. I enjoy painting and decorating my space. A good book is essential for my bedtime routine. I make it a point to have lunch with a dear friend every week. I cherish one-on-one time with each of my kids to strengthen our bond, and I rarely go a day without connecting with my sisters. All these activities enrich my life because I remain true to myself rather than relying on others for my happiness.
We must take charge of our own joy; it’s our responsibility. I don’t want anyone to ask me to fill their void, nor do I wish to place that burden on anyone else. Of course, family is our cornerstone, our sanctuary, and we love them beyond words, but we cannot be truly happy until we embark on the journey of self-completion. For more insights on this topic, you can explore our post on home insemination for additional reading.
In conclusion, our happiness must come from within, cultivated through our passions and interests, not solely from our families. Family is important, but it is essential to live a life that is authentically yours.