It’s almost 2017, and while we’ve made strides in balancing responsibilities between genders, there’s still a pressing need for support to alleviate the mental burden that mothers often carry. The myriad of small details that seem to escape everyone else’s notice can feel overwhelmingly heavy for moms.
Dr. Mia Thompson, a sociology expert at Maplewood University, recently shared insights in a piece for Daily Life about the “invisible labor” that tends to hold women back. She begins with a poignant excerpt from a blog written by Jenna Fields, a mother of three, who articulates all the little things she observes that others in her family overlook. “I’m the one who sees that we’re low on paper towels,” she writes. This extends to coffee supplies, toothpaste, and everyone’s favorite snack choices – basically, the essentials that keep the household running smoothly.
Because it’s in her nature. Naturally, she does.
While Dr. Thompson acknowledges that Fields’ reflections aren’t complaints about her contributions to family life, she highlights a recent study revealing that men in cohabiting relationships may spend more hours on paid work relative to their female partners’ domestic tasks. However, this data doesn’t count the mental effort women invest in managing the household.
In her commentary, Dr. Thompson references a study by sociologist Rachel Simmons, titled “Considering the Baby,” which, despite being published in the late 90s, remains relevant. Simmons interviewed couples who had just welcomed newborns and found that even in partnerships where men actively participated, it was still the women who did the bulk of the noticing. Women tend to worry about developmental milestones, choosing healthcare providers, delegating household tasks, and organizing family schedules. While men may handle transportation for kids’ activities and fulfill requests, it’s often their female partners who coordinate everything behind the scenes—a task that demands far more mental gymnastics than simply being a chauffeur.
Dr. Thompson also points out that this mental load extends beyond household management—it encompasses choices about clothing and personal safety in social settings. A woman has to consider the right lipstick shade or the appropriate hemline for interviews and events, while men typically have fewer, more straightforward choices that don’t come under scrutiny.
In short, being a woman can be an exhausting experience. Yes, someone needs to keep track of those small details, but there’s no reason why our male partners can’t pitch in to lighten the load. After all, sharing responsibilities could free up our minds for new thoughts and worries—because there’s always more to be concerned about!
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In summary, while mothers often take on the mental burden of noticing all the essential details in family life, it’s vital for partners to share this responsibility to create a more balanced household atmosphere.