Whether we like it or not, most people have an image in their minds of what a single mom embodies: sometimes positive, often negative, and everything in between. I had my own preconceived notions before I found myself in that role.
The typical stereotype depicts a woman juggling multiple children and jobs, perpetually overwhelmed and barely managing to stay afloat. She’s often portrayed as frazzled, constantly on the brink of a breakdown, sacrificing precious time with her kids to provide for them. Many assume she’s reliant on welfare and unfairly “gaming the system,” all while struggling alone, mirroring the challenges of her past.
The paths that lead to single motherhood are incredibly diverse. Some women may be unwed teenage moms, while others find themselves unexpectedly facing life’s hurdles without a partner. A woman might have loved the wrong person or remained in a toxic relationship for the sake of her children. She could have experienced the trauma of rape, or her spouse might have drastically changed from the person she married. Some may even be widowed, or they could have chosen this path out of a desire to embrace motherhood independently.
Single moms, solo parents, or however you choose to label them come from various backgrounds and experiences. While negative stereotypes exist, they often miss the complex reality of what single motherhood entails.
Despite the myriad of circumstances surrounding each single mother’s journey, one truth remains: every mom, regardless of her situation, is juggling countless responsibilities at once, and sometimes, things fall through the cracks. This is a universal truth for all mothers.
What has intrigued me most about single motherhood isn’t just the challenges or heartaches that come with it; it’s the judgment that can arise from within the community of single moms themselves. I never anticipated the subtle hierarchy that seems to exist among us.
Most women don’t wake up and decide, “I want to raise my children alone!” Life often forces us into this unexpected territory. We do our best to adapt, to grow, and to sacrifice for our kids, just like any mother would.
The concept of “mom wars” is well-known, and I find it incredibly frustrating. While typical mom conflicts might revolve around issues like breastfeeding or schooling choices, the realm of single motherhood introduces a whole new set of debates.
The disagreements can escalate from whether to breastfeed to issues surrounding child support or having an active father in the picture. Some single moms may look down on others who seem to have it easier, claiming, “She’s not a real single mom. Try doing it without any support.”
While it’s true that being completely alone presents its own challenges compared to having family assistance or a dependable co-parent, each situation is unique and demands its own set of strengths. Parenting is inherently difficult—whether you’re single or married, and regardless of the circumstances that brought you here.
So why should we be so quick to judge one another based on our different experiences and the cards we’ve been dealt?
What does a “real single mom” look like? Here’s my perspective: she looks like a hero. She embodies resilience crafted from pain, fear, and triumph. She may appear exhausted, questioning her decisions while also exuding confidence. She’s often accompanied by her children, moving through life in a chaotic yet beautiful manner.
She can wear anything from heels and polished outfits to yoga pants with stains from her little ones. She juggles everything from work to household duties, sometimes feeling overwhelmed yet undeniably brave and strong.
Ultimately, she doesn’t need to conform to anyone’s stereotypes or engage in comparisons about who has it tougher. Regardless of our circumstances, we are all in this journey of motherhood together.
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In summary, we need to set aside our differences and stop judging one another based on our unique journeys. Every mother is doing her best in the face of her individual challenges, and we should support each other instead of competing.