Don’t waste your time searching for the ideal partner outside your relationship; they simply don’t exist. After spending years with the same person, you learn all their quirks—some endearing, like their willingness to share their bacon because they don’t like it, and others, well, downright irritating. Maybe you’ve caught yourself daydreaming about what life would be like with someone who doesn’t need reminding to replace the trash bag after taking out the garbage.
In a recent video from Google’s Modern Romance series, behavioral economist and TED speaker, Lila Martin, emphasizes that chasing after the idea of a perfect partner is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment. Every individual has their own set of flaws. That charming stranger might seem appealing now, but once you learn about their annoying habits—like refusing to wear a proper coat in the winter or sneezing so loudly it echoes—you might reconsider.
“When you get to know someone better, you quickly realize they disappoint you in all sorts of ways,” says Martin. In our social media-driven world, a new relationship is just a swipe away, which can make it tempting to think about trading your partner for someone new. However, that seemingly perfect stranger is not without faults; they’ll just introduce different annoyances into your life.
You might feel frustrated with your partner’s habits, but at least you know what to expect. In contrast, fantasy partners often don’t reveal their true selves until you’re already invested. “You wake up next to someone and think, is this really what I want for the rest of my life? With so many options available at the click of a button, it’s easy to feel tempted,” explains Martin. “Online dating shows only the highlights; you don’t see the messy reality.”
Constantly wondering if there’s a better option out there can sabotage the relationship you already have. “If you’re always looking for something more exciting, you’re not investing in the relationship in front of you,” she warns. “Relationships improve when you nurture them, and it’s not a zero-sum game.”
In short, everyone has their annoying traits, and seeking out someone new isn’t going to change that. Instead, consider focusing on what you can do to strengthen your current relationship. For more insights on parenting and relationships, check out this enlightening resource on pregnancy and home insemination, or learn about at-home insemination kits from experts at Make A Mom.
Summary
In relationships, it’s easy to fantasize about a perfect partner, but the reality is that everyone has their quirks. Behavioral economist Lila Martin explains that constantly looking for better options can sabotage your current relationship. Investing in the partner you know can lead to a more fulfilling connection.