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Men, Please Stop Telling Women to Smile — It’s Uncomfortable and Creepy
The other day, while waiting for my coffee, I found myself in one of those all-too-familiar situations. I was lost in thought, juggling a mental list of tasks that awaited me after I got my caffeine fix. Lost in concentration, I probably wore a serious expression on my face. Then, I felt eyes on me. I turned to see a man smiling broadly.
“Smile,” he said, “It’s a lovely day.”
He beamed as if this was the most natural thing to say. As if I would find his comment charming. But instead, I felt a wave of discomfort wash over me, as if tiny critters were crawling under my skin.
I consider myself approachable and friendly; I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. Growing up, I was taught to be polite—cross my legs, nod even when I disagree, say I’m sorry, and, of course, to smile. These weren’t always explicit rules, but as a woman, they were heavily implied. I was conditioned to be soft, pretty, and above all, cheerful.
So yes, that morning, I smiled. I felt uneasy and grossed out, but I flashed a smile anyway. It probably wasn’t very genuine, but sometimes, years of social conditioning kick in at the worst possible moments, like when you haven’t even had your coffee yet. I smiled not out of kindness but as a way to make the interaction as brief as possible.
Men who tell women to smile, do you realize this? We often smile just to end the conversation and make you go away. It’s like a form of catcalling—an indirect way of demanding something from us that we don’t want to give. Recently, I heard a podcast featuring a reporter named Sarah Thompson, who confronted men who catcall to understand their mindset. Shockingly, many believed that women would appreciate the attention. But that’s far from the truth.
In a quick survey she conducted, a staggering 67% of women felt that catcalling would lead to something worse, 85% experienced anger, 78% felt annoyed, 80% were nervous, and 72% reported feelings of disgust. The men who shouted these comments were surprised to learn that women didn’t welcome it, so I can only imagine how baffled they would be to hear that we also dislike being told to smile.
To the men who think it’s acceptable to instruct women to smile, just stop. It’s not cute, and we are not flattered. It’s an intrusive request that feels disrespectful, especially coming from a stranger who disregards personal boundaries.
Next time I’m at a coffee shop or just strolling down the street and someone tells me to smile, I’m going to make an effort to resist the ingrained urge to be polite. Instead, I might just say “No, thanks” or give a not-so-subtle gesture.
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Summary:
The article addresses the discomfort many women feel when men tell them to smile, highlighting that these comments can feel intrusive and creepy. The author reflects on her own experiences and the societal conditioning that encourages women to be polite and agreeable. The piece emphasizes that such requests are often unwelcome and calls for men to reconsider their approach.