Updated: July 15, 2021
Originally Published: Jan. 8, 2017
The day after Christmas found me in the attic, working with my 7-year-old daughter, Lucy, as we hammered plywood together to create more storage. The attic was dimly lit—both of us sported headlamps—and it was chilly and dusty. We needed to be careful navigating between the beams, as a misstep could send one of us tumbling down into the garage below. Lucy was bundled up in a thick purple coat, a brown faux-fur-lined hood, a color-changing Frozen T-shirt, and a blue skirt, her little knees tucked beneath her as she crouched, eagerly handing me nails.
I had asked my 9-year-old son, Max, to join us, but his reaction suggested I’d asked him to undertake a monumental task. He claimed the attic was too scary and cold for his liking. Just as I was about to insist he join in, Lucy tugged at my pant leg, beaming up at me with a gap-toothed grin, saying, “I’ll help, Daddy.”
Over the past year, Lucy has become my enthusiastic little assistant. She accompanies me to the hardware store, hands me tools, and shares stories about her favorite My Little Pony characters while we tackle different projects. Admittedly, I’m no expert in home repairs myself; my dad wasn’t around much, so I’ve learned through trial and error, often by watching YouTube tutorials and managing the occasional mishap with a hammer.
Reflecting on how I might have behaved similarly to Max when I was his age, I sometimes find myself pushing him to help out, whether I need it or just want to spend time with him. I worry that he might miss out on basic skills if he doesn’t learn to use tools. But, until recently, I had only considered my son when it came to teaching practical skills.
With Lucy growing and showing a keen interest in helping me, I’ve started to shift my perspective. This reminds me of an insightful article by Emma Reynolds titled “I Don’t Wait for My Husband to Get Home. I Can Do Things Myself.” In it, she confidently asserts her ability to tackle home repairs, emphasizing that women are just as capable as men in various roles, whether it’s fixing a sink or running a company. This perspective extends to men, too—men can be nurturing caregivers, manage households, and excel in traditionally female roles.
As I teach my children essential skills, I want them both to leave home knowing their capabilities, irrespective of gender. There’s no reason Lucy shouldn’t be just as adept at using a drill as Max, and vice versa.
Over the past year, I’ve shown Lucy how to avoid splinters, swing a hammer, drive screws, open paint cans, safely climb ladders, and even clean gutters. Each project brings us closer together, creating a bond that transcends the traditional gender roles that often dominate our thinking.
After we finished laying plywood in the attic, I carefully helped Lucy down the ladder. Once on the floor, she smiled and hugged my leg, asking when we could work together again. Even though my knees and back were sore from our work, her excitement was infectious. “Next weekend,” I promised, needing a moment to recuperate. She danced around like she’d won a prize, then rushed inside to tell Max about her hammering adventure.
I’m not sure how long this “Daddy’s Helper” phase will last, but I cherish the opportunity to teach Lucy valuable skills. I want her to grow up knowing she doesn’t need to wait for anyone to do things for her. She’s capable of so much, and I want her to bring her skills to any future relationship, just as I hope for Max. So, for now, I’ll keep inviting her to join me, hoping her enthusiasm lasts.
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Summary: In this heartfelt reflection, I share my journey of teaching my daughter, Lucy, practical skills in home maintenance, moving away from the notion that only my son, Max, should assist. I emphasize the importance of equipping both children with capabilities that defy traditional gender roles, fostering independence and confidence in them both.