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Is Our Pursuit of Happiness Making Us Unhappier?
Embrace happiness! I just want my kids to feel joy. Pursue your passions. Flourish where you’re planted.
These phrases are familiar to all of us. Happiness seems to be the ultimate goal in today’s society. Just a glance at the self-help section of any bookstore or my social media feeds makes it clear: happiness is often portrayed as the key to a life filled with bliss, complete with endless supplies of coffee, chocolate, and wine. We are led to believe that happiness is the Holy Grail of existence.
However, despite the constant emphasis on happiness, studies suggest that the relentless pursuit of it—along with the pressure to choose happiness, follow our passions, and find our bliss—can ironically lead to greater discontent. Sure, buying a chic new pair of boots may bring a momentary thrill, but that doesn’t mean it’s genuinely fulfilling.
In contrast, striving for a meaningful life often results in deeper and more lasting satisfaction. Research cited by New York magazine indicates that while happiness and meaning are different pursuits, the most fulfilling path lies in seeking both. Happiness tends to be fleeting and reliant on external circumstances, whereas meaning provides purpose, direction, and lasting fulfillment. Ironically, mandating ourselves to feel happy—even when we’re not—creates additional pressure, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
I believe that mindset plays a crucial role in navigating life’s challenges, and maintaining a positive attitude can help us through tough times. Seeing the glass as half-full is typically healthier than the alternative. I’m also a fan of savoring life’s little pleasures, like enjoying a warm cup of coffee or indulging in cookie dough while watching my favorite shows. Generally, I consider myself a happy individual.
Yet, there are moments when that metaphorical glass appears nearly empty. There’s a limit to how many times one can simply “suck it up” and force a smile. Sometimes, life just isn’t great. It’s okay to feel frustrated or unhappy. Giving ourselves permission to express those feelings can be cathartic in a way that no happiness jar ever could.
Happiness itself isn’t the issue—it’s our obsession with it that causes problems. The most rewarding aspects of life—parenting, marriage, and friendships—don’t always evoke happiness. They can be messy and complicated, yet recognizing the struggles doesn’t diminish their significance. I cherish my children deeply, but let’s be honest: during a full-blown tantrum, I’m not feeling a rush of joy. Likewise, picking up after my partner or navigating uncomfortable financial discussions doesn’t exactly fill me with delight. Yet, tackling these challenges is what adds substance and meaning to life.
Our fixation on happiness can backfire. The pressure to flourish, chase dreams, and discover happiness can be overwhelming. Honestly, many days, I’m unsure of what my “passion” even is, and “bliss” often looks like catching a few extra hours of sleep on a weekend. The glorification of happiness fosters a cycle of inauthenticity, especially for women, who often feel compelled to project a certain image regardless of their true emotions. We are human, not machines. Life encompasses both the delightful and the mundane—cleaning, community service, and quick fast-food dinners after a hectic day. While these activities may not bring immediate happiness, they contribute to a meaningful life, and that’s what I ultimately seek.
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In summary, our relentless chase for happiness can ironically lead to increased dissatisfaction. Rather than solely pursuing happiness, we should focus on fostering a meaningful life, which often brings deeper satisfaction and a sense of purpose.