Today, I found myself feeling a bit down. So, in a move that only the most rational person would make, I pulled my wedding dress out of the attic and slipped it on while preparing dinner.
It barely fit anymore; four pregnancies had transformed my body in ways that would have shocked my 24-year-old self. The dress was stained with wine from that unforgettable Valentine’s Day in 2004 and missing several buttons, yet it still made me feel beautiful in a way that my usual evening attire of worn-out yoga pants couldn’t compare to.
More importantly, it sparked memories of that younger version of me, who walked down the longest aisle of the church with the kind of courage that only naiveté and mid-morning champagne could provide. What would she think of my life now? Would she be proud, or perhaps a bit embarrassed, knowing how unprepared she was for the whirlwind of changes that lay ahead? I imagine most of the guests with their disposable cameras and flip phones understood just how unready I was as I confidently strolled down that aisle, blissfully unaware of what marriage truly entailed.
If I could talk to that innocent bride, I would tell her this:
You have no clue.
Walking down the aisle is the easy part. Tonight, you’ll celebrate with drinking, feasting, and dancing until your mom reminds you, “Mia, don’t forget your grandmother is watching.” Tomorrow, you’ll nurse a headache while packing for your honeymoon in Key West, where you’ll sip cocktails and dream about your perfect future children and the career heights you’ll reach together. Your life will unfold like an open book, marking one of the most significant turning points of your existence.
But soon after, you’ll return home to a world of sleepless nights filled with diaper changes and the overwhelming realization that you and your husband are still far too young to be worrying about who gets up with the baby. The confidence that carried you down the aisle will be replaced by the paralyzing anxiety of new motherhood, and your marriage will face long stretches of uncertainty.
Yet, through it all, you’ll endure. You’ll fall deeply in love with your children, which will rekindle your affection for your husband. Together, you’ll create a magical life in a creaky old house that feels like home in a way nothing else ever could. You’ll learn to share a king-sized bed with four kids nestled in between, somehow still managing to connect.
However, be prepared; you will break—often. Having a family feels like carrying open wounds that leave you more exposed than ever. You’ll encounter God in unexpected ways, praying fervently for everyone’s safety, only to realize that life can be unpredictable. The weight of it all will bring you to your knees, and you may feel as though you can never rise again.
But you will rise.
You’ll change diapers, do laundry, and prepare meals until it seems like that’s all you do. You’ll find yourself in therapy asking, “What’s the point of all this?” And your therapist, a wise old soul, will remind you, “The Buddha would say: chop wood, carry water. Maybe for you, it’s change diapers, make mac and cheese.” That night, once the house is quiet, you’ll find yourself chuckling because you finally understand.
Years from now, if luck is on your side, you’ll stand in your kitchen wearing that wedding dress, with your steadfast husband navigating the chaos of your children. He’ll compliment your mac and cheese, and even if you know it’s just from a box, you’ll graciously accept the praise.
“Thanks, love. It must be the dress.”
“Oh, you’re wearing a dress?” he’ll reply, oblivious to the nostalgia.
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In summary, life as a parent is a transformative experience, filled with unexpected challenges and joys. Reflecting on who we were can help us appreciate how far we’ve come, even if it means slipping back into that old wedding dress once in a while.