Let me start by saying this: if I could turn back time, I might not have chosen to become a stay-at-home mom. There, I’ve said it out loud.
Now, before anyone misunderstands my sentiment, let me clarify. Thirteen years ago, when I made the decision to stay home with my first child, it was the right choice for our family. We were just starting out, and financially, it made sense for me to manage the household while my partner worked. After years of a busy career, I welcomed the chance to slow down and immerse myself in the joys of motherhood.
I left behind a thriving career and never looked back — until recently.
Over the years, I became fully entrenched in motherhood, navigating long days filled with diapers, bottles, and the occasional tantrum. I found deep fulfillment in raising happy kids, and for a long time, being a mom was enough. I was content to let my children take center stage, silencing the nagging voice in my head that questioned whether I had made the right decision. I managed to push that voice to the background — until now.
Now that my kids are older, at ages 10 and 13, they require less of my time and attention. The house feels quiet after they leave for school at 7:30 AM, and I find that there’s only so much laundry I can do to keep busy. After getting used to my daughter being in full-time school, I struck a balance between taking on a few freelance projects and still being present for my family. I was managing to “work” while remaining the go-to parent for sick days and school events.
For a while, I was happy with that arrangement. It felt like I was juggling both my professional aspirations and my role as a mother. However, the pull to reawaken my professional side has grown stronger. As new writing opportunities have arisen, I find myself torn between household responsibilities and pursuing my dreams.
Looking at the dirty dishes and the laundry piling up, I can’t help but think, “When is it my turn?” I’ve started to feel angry and frustrated that my mom duties have begun to feel like restraints. I’m frustrated with myself for taking such diligent care of my family that it’s noticeable when the laundry is late or the fridge is empty. It feels as if I’m in a battle with the laundry machine!
I’m ready to step away from being the maid, the short-order cook, and the chauffeur. I want to reclaim my identity and focus on my professional needs. My kids are capable of doing their own laundry now, and no one is going to suffer if we eat off paper plates for a bit. Things are about to change because this mom has dreams to pursue.
So, when can I take that leap back into my career? The time is now, and I’m unapologetic about it.
For 13 years, I’ve devoted myself to everyone else. I’ve put my career on hold, but I’m finally ready to breathe new life into it. I refuse to feel guilty for wanting to shift my focus away from motherhood and embrace the woman I used to be, especially as my kids will soon be off to college.
Just as I redefined myself when my youngest started school, I now realize that I have half my life ahead of me to chase my dreams. I can make choices that prioritize my career without worrying about school events or daycare. I can work late hours and invest time into something that sparks my creativity. I can meet my partner for drinks after work and engage in conversations that don’t revolve around parenting.
While I cherish the experiences I’ve had with my children as they’ve grown, I often wonder how I was able to so easily set my professional aspirations aside. How did I walk away without a second thought? Any future endeavors in my career will hold more significance for me now, knowing the challenge of returning to the person I once was.
I was once a woman with ambitious career goals. I will always be a mother, and that part of me will never fade. But very soon, I’ll get to rediscover the real me again, and I can’t wait.
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