As I watch my son during his swimming lesson, I can’t help but smile. He dives under the water, and when he surfaces, his face lights up with a huge grin. This moment is monumental for us; just a short while ago, his sensory processing disorder made it nearly impossible for him to put his face underwater. At six years old, he was the only first-grader still relying on floaties, something he was painfully aware of but couldn’t quite change—until now.
My eyes drift to a classmate sitting on a nearby bench, engrossed in a hefty chapter book, clearly well beyond what most first-graders would read. He is already a confident swimmer, and my heart twinges with a mix of jealousy and competitiveness.
“Did you see how well XX is reading?” I mention to a mom friend a moment later. She nods knowingly, adding that he excels at soccer too. He’s the epitome of an overachiever, destined for a life filled with success and accolades. My friend’s admiration makes me reflect on my own desires for my son. I realize that while she wishes for her child’s achievements, all I truly want is for my son to find happiness.
It’s hard not to compare, especially after countless meetings with his educational team since the new year began. My definition of success has shifted dramatically; for me, success now means watching him get off the school bus with a smile. I know other parents share this desire for their children’s happiness, but our definitions of “success” vary widely.
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept that, at least for now, my son may not be the top student, the soccer captain, or the most popular kid in school. He has the potential to achieve these things—he is smart, kind, and funny—but his ADHD and SPD present challenges that hinder his performance. Witnessing his struggles has taught me that the most crucial aspects of his future success are his happiness and self-esteem.
During one particularly emotional meeting with his educational team, I fought back tears as I desperately searched for any sign of my son’s strengths. “What if he calls out in class because he has so many ideas?” I pleaded. “What if he’s bored and needs more challenging work?” But the answer was always the same: “He is not seeking more academic challenges. He is who he is, and we are doing our best for him.”
In that moment, it hit me. I no longer care if he dislikes soccer or prefers building rockets to scoring touchdowns. His unique traits and interests are what make him who he is, and that’s what truly matters. If he still relies on floaties this summer, that’s okay—I’ll make sure he feels great about it.
I won’t be bothered by his reading level, which doesn’t reflect his intelligence, or his lack of interest in sports like tennis and Taekwondo. If he needs to leave a dance class due to overstimulation, so be it. And if he spends his piano lesson coloring because he’s exhausted, that’s part of his journey.
I would be lying if I said I never worry about his struggles compared to his peers; I do. However, my focus has shifted toward helping him learn that success is about effort rather than achievement. Instead of pushing for external validation, I’m teaching him to find pride in each attempt. Failure is a stepping stone, a sign that he had the courage to try. It’s essential that he understands that happiness should come first.
In a world that often prioritizes accolades and trophies, I want my son to embody the value of trying his best, regardless of the outcome. Not every child will become a star athlete or the top of their class, and that’s perfectly fine. What matters is resilience—the ability to cope with setbacks and rise again.
He may never play soccer, dance professionally, or be the valedictorian, but I believe his future is bright. Every day, he succeeds simply by going to bed with a smile and a sense of accomplishment.
For more insights on parenting and personal growth, check out our other blog posts at Intracervical Insemination. And if you’re interested in enhancing fertility, Make A Mom offers valuable resources. Additionally, Medical News Today provides excellent information on pregnancy and fertility.
Summary
Parenting a child with sensory processing disorder has transformed my understanding of success, shifting the focus from external achievements to internal happiness and self-esteem. As I learn to embrace my son’s unique journey, I realize that true success lies in his ability to find joy in each day, regardless of societal expectations.