Has anyone spotted my spark? It seems to have vanished. I think I might have left it behind last year, amid the whirlwind that was 2022. It likely fell off my radar, a casualty of the emotional rollercoaster that was the previous year.
Or perhaps I didn’t misplace it at all. Maybe it decided to abandon me. Regardless, I’m longing for its return because I’m feeling weighed down by sadness, a constant melancholy that lingers like a heavy blanket—definitely not my usual upbeat self. This emotional slump is really taking a toll on me.
Am I Alone in This?
Is this just another case of winter blues? Not too long ago, I was a fierce woman who tackled her to-do list like a champ. Each morning, I woke up with a grin plastered on my face, fueled with determination about what I could achieve and all the dreams I had for my life. I would jump into the shower, where my spark and I would splash around, brainstorming everything from workout plans to blog ideas and even what trendy outfit I could wear. Each day held promise and excitement, and I felt unstoppable.
Now that my spark is missing, I can barely muster the energy to get off the couch. It seems I need to be in the mood just to answer nature’s call. I find myself snuggling deeper into my blankets, hitting the snooze button over and over, granting myself those extra 15, 20, or even 30 minutes in the morning. After work, I just lie down, and two hours post-dinner, I’m snacking on crackers and cheese—having forgotten to wash my face or apply moisturizer to those pesky fine lines. Oh, and I’m back to biting my nails again.
Lost Desires
I’ve lost the desire to write or eat healthily. Instead, I want to plop down with a massive bowl of buttery noodles and cheese, or indulge in chocolate frosting straight from the jar. The thought of dental check-ups or annual physicals? No thanks. Self-care has taken a backseat.
This must be what it feels like to have the wind knocked out of my sails. Losing my spark feels like a total loss of vitality. Maybe my spark is mad at me for wanting to chase after more goals, for pushing her to constantly perform. Perhaps she just needs a break—a well-deserved pause from the relentless hustle of being a supermom.
I totally get it. We all need a little downtime, especially her; she’s been there for me through thick and thin. But waiting around for her to return is becoming unsettling.
Taking Action
So, I took action. I got a fresh haircut, rejoined the gym, and even snapped a cute selfie to update my profile picture (thank goodness for filters!). I ventured into the city to catch a fantastic Broadway show, hoping that some excitement would lure her back. Slow and steady, she’s trickling back into my life, taking her time, piece by piece.
Without her, getting things done feels impossible. I miss her pep talks about fitness and the way she’d give me that knowing look whenever I reached for another roll. She was my organizational guru, keeping my calendar in check and encouraging me to hit the sack at a reasonable hour. My spark was the voice of reason, helping me let go of trivial worries.
I guess she just needs rest—a break from the pressure of constantly being “on.” Aren’t we all exhausted from the grind? Maybe it’s time for me to appreciate the wonderful spark I’ve taken for granted. Perhaps January is her moment to unwind, to recharge, and to reset. Maybe I just need to give her the space she deserves.
A Message to My Spark
So if you happen to see her, please tell her I miss her dearly. She’s likely lounging by a pool, sipping on an exotic drink with a slice of fruit dangling from the straw. I can picture her enjoying the sun, reading a book, and savoring the gentle sound of waves as they roll in.
If you do encounter her, let her know she’s welcome back whenever she’s ready, no questions asked.
Further Reading
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Summary
This article reflects on a mother’s journey of feeling lost without her spark and the steps she takes to rediscover it. Through personal anecdotes and a touch of humor, she shares her struggles with motivation and self-care, ultimately encouraging readers to be mindful of their own needs.