Every morning, I start my day with a mantra: “Be kind to yourself.” I strive to be present, revel in the little moments, enjoy the aroma of my coffee, and hug my kids without letting the endless to-do list whisk me away into the future.
Being a Type-A mom has its advantages. I’m incredibly productive, and to outsiders, I may seem like I have everything under control. However, the reality is far different. I put a lot of effort into maintaining this facade, and it’s not always fun. My mind races nonstop; I obsess over every little detail, criticize myself for any missteps, and constantly grapple with feelings of inadequacy.
Thoughts of my ever-expanding to-do list and how to maximize each day are relentless. I fight against this internal pressure daily because it steals my joy and distracts me from simply enjoying the moment.
“What happens if I don’t get it done? Who will take care of it if I can’t? What if I forget something important?” These nagging thoughts invade my mind and cling to me tightly.
I genuinely wish I could be more relaxed. I want to walk past that scuff mark on the wall without feeling compelled to scrub it immediately. I don’t want to start planning for next week while making breakfast—I want to focus on cracking those eggs. Yet somehow, my mind flits around, reminding me of everything I need to do, adding more to my already overflowing plate. I push myself harder, acting as my own strict taskmaster.
If you’re a Type-A mom, especially one who experiences anxiety like I do, you can relate. You’re often your own worst critic, told you’re too hard on yourself, yet you struggle to function at a different pace. You impose unrealistic standards on yourself that you wouldn’t dare expect from anyone else. But you feel you should manage it all—you can figure it out.
Efficiency is your middle name. Time is always of the essence. You rarely focus on one task at a time; multitasking is your forte. Asking for help is a rarity because you believe that you alone can achieve the results you envision. No matter how tired you are, you keep pushing forward.
You might feel anxious and impatient when you take on too much, setting unrealistic deadlines for yourself. It’s an exhausting game that leaves you feeling frazzled and irritable.
Relaxation can feel impossible. Even after a long day of hard work, that inner voice whispers, “You could be doing more.” Consequently, you may feel guilty for taking a break, even though you know you’re more effective after some downtime. You often convince yourself that you don’t need rest, pushing through until you reach complete overwhelm.
For Type-A moms, this tendency doesn’t just vanish. We won’t suddenly transform into laid-back individuals, any more than someone easygoing can become a tightly wound ball of anxiety. It’s a shared wish; from the outside, we may seem composed, but the effort comes at a significant cost. We rarely allow ourselves to relax.
Motherhood has taught me more about managing my Type-A tendencies than anything else. I’ve tried it all—yoga, meditation, wine, journaling, therapy. But parenting has shown me that life rarely unfolds as planned. I need to seek help, even if things don’t get completed just as I prefer. It’s essential to recognize that some tasks completed out of love matter far more than whether everything is perfectly organized. The happiness of my family is what truly counts, and they thrive when I can let go a little.
The moments when I’ve surrendered my quest for perfection have been my most valuable lessons. Sure, I still worry—what mom doesn’t?—but I’m learning to let go of trivial concerns, like whether my kids’ clothes match or if their hair is perfectly combed.
My children remind me daily to soak in the present. They get lost in their imagination, seek my undivided attention, and marvel at the world around them without a care for what they need to do next week. We all know that time with our kids is fleeting, and I don’t want their memories filled with scenes of me organizing or stressing over to-do lists.
Yes, Type-A moms get things done, but it’s perfectly fine if we don’t. Nothing catastrophic will occur. I’m gradually loosening my grip, allowing myself to live more freely, and it feels liberating.
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Summary:
Being a Type-A mom presents unique challenges, from constant self-criticism to the pressure of managing an endless to-do list. While striving for perfection, many moms find it hard to relax and enjoy the moment. Learning to let go of unrealistic expectations and embrace imperfections can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling parenting experience.