Laundry—it’s the never-ending chore that can drive anyone up the wall. I’ve tried everything: from pleading to demonstrating the fine art of folding. Yet, the inhabitants of my domicile seem to embrace a laundry lifestyle that can only be described as chaotic. So, I’ve retreated (okay, it was my closet) and emerged with these sacred guidelines: The 10 Commandments of Laundry. Pay heed, my family!
- I am the laundry master. You shall respect the commandments and do so cheerfully. A simple thank you goes a long way. Break the rules, and you might find yourself tackling your own laundry forever. Remember, your clothes don’t magically appear in your drawers—they come from my hard work!
- You shall verify if items are truly dirty before tossing them in the basket. If you wore it for just a few moments? Not dirty. If it looks clean and smells fresh after a day? Still not dirty. And if it’s a dry clean only item? Please, hang it back up.
- You shall not wash brand new clothes. While some may argue that new items should be laundered before wearing, let’s be honest. The real reason it’s in the hamper is that you didn’t feel like putting it away. Just fold it or take off the tags next time!
- You shall not toss matched socks into the wash. A lump of socks won’t get cleaned and will never dry properly. It’s just a tangled mess, and we’re all aware of that.
- You shall turn all garments right-side out. No one wants to dig into your leggings to find your socks.
- You shall ALWAYS remove any undergarments from clothing before laundry. Trust me, no one enjoys extracting your dirty underwear from the inside of your shirts. This also applies if you’re wearing two layers—just separate them!
- You shall empty out your pockets. Forgotten items can lead to ruined clothing (goodbye, favorite shirt!) or damage to the washing machine itself. Let’s avoid any costly repairs, shall we?
- You shall instruct your dolls and stuffed animals to handle their own laundry. Unless they’ve been stained, they don’t belong in the wash. Take a shot at washing them yourself if you want to experience the joys of laundry!
- You shall make an effort to empty folded laundry before adding dirty items. Seeing neatly folded laundry buried under a pile of dirty clothes? That can spark a small fire of rage! Show your appreciation by putting your laundry away properly.
- You shall not hoard sportswear, wet towels, or anything pungent. These items need immediate attention. They should meet soap and water right after use, or you might earn the nickname “Stinky” at your next game.
Someday, I may realize that you are fully capable of managing your own laundry. But for now, I’ll take a moment to appreciate these fleeting days. I know I’ll miss the times when your tiny clothes filled the basket—just like I miss the days when it was just tiny feet running around. So, I’ll continue to dig through your pockets, fold your favorite shirts, and cherish this wild ride of motherhood. Yes, even when your laundry drives me a bit bonkers—like that shirt that still has its tags on! After all, having you all under one roof, even with the laundry chaos, is a blessing I hold dear. And please, for the love of all things clean, put your laundry away.
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