I Might Have a Deeper Affection for Coffee Than My Partner (Sorry, Love)

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Dear Coffee,

Oh, how I adore you. Each morning, you greet me with a warm embrace and continue to delight me throughout the day. Your reliability and unwavering support have never let me down (well, except for that one time you were decaf, but let’s not dwell on that painful memory).

You are, without a doubt, the best relationship I’ve ever had. Honestly, no man could ever compete with how stunning you look in an 8-ounce festive cup. And yes, I often bring my own cup, because why not be a little adventurous?

Here’s why I’m head over heels for you, my charming brew:

• You don’t ask for much — no requests for foot massages or shared streaming passwords. You never interrupt my sacred shower time, which I truly appreciate.
• You transform me from a zombie trudging through breakfast to a superhero ready to conquer the day. That’s all thanks to you, Coffee.
• You elevate my heart rate without any strenuous effort on my part. There’s no need for complicated routines or stretching beforehand.
• Your morning aroma is something I look forward to daily. In fact, it’s the very reason I get out of bed. I bet even the power couple of Brad and Angelina can’t compete with that!
• You are wonderfully straightforward — no fancy tools or gadgets required. Just you, me, and my treasured unicorn cup.
• Even if I momentarily forget about you, you’re there to warm up again and again. Some days, I might forget you up to 30 times, and yet you bounce back without a hint of resentment.
• You provide the comfort of predictability. There are no unexpected surprises, just the reliable consistency of a new day dawning.
• You listen attentively. While many around me overlook my words, you stare at me with admiration, embracing my bare-faced beauty.
• Your absence leaves me feeling lost. I’m utterly dependent on my daily encounters with you. Some might call it obsession, but I prefer to think of it as love.
• You even know how to spice things up for a fancy evening out. Hello, affogato!
• There’s never any bickering about trivial matters — like who forgot to flush the toilet. You just accept my brilliance.
• The whole family is on board with this love. Even my Aunt Sarah, who typically grumbles about everything, is a fan of yours.
• Our bond is quiet and unspoken. You understand that sometimes, silence is golden amid the noise of the world.
• You don’t judge my hangovers. Instead, you wrap me in warmth, nudging me towards revival.
• Your daily presence is unwavering. You show up every single day, and honestly, that’s all I could ever wish for.

Coffee, my heart belongs to you. I know we’ll still be together when I’m mixing you with whiskey, playing Bunko in my bathrobe, and gossiping with my fellow octogenarians.

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In summary, coffee remains my ultimate companion, making each day brighter and more manageable. The affection I hold for this beloved beverage is irreplaceable, as it consistently brings joy, energy, and warmth to my life.