Why do you always appear out of nowhere? One moment, I’m peacefully driving, the sun shining on my face, and the next, I’m stopped at a red light, adjusting my visor, and—bam! There you are, sprouting from my chin in a way that’s utterly shocking. Seriously, how did you grow an inch overnight? Now that I’ve spotted you, I can’t unsee you. You’ve taken up residence in my mind, and I won’t stop thinking about you until I get home, where my trusty tweezers will deal with you. But first, it seems I must take you grocery shopping and to my kid’s game. Great.
And while we’re at it, let’s talk about you, Ingrown Bikini Line. You and your unruly group of pubic hair friends need to take a back seat. I’m tired of managing your chaos, trimming you constantly as if you’re some botanical masterpiece. Seriously, I’m not trying to cultivate a winning entry for the county fair or anything, but can we at least agree on some neat edges?
Mr. Light and Fuzzy Mustache, I haven’t forgotten you! You’ve made my face your playground, regardless of whether I’m male or female. It’s as if you have a vendetta against my upper lip. I’ve tried everything to send you packing, but you keep coming back! It’s time for you to find another place to hang out.
Now, Underarm, let’s have a chat. Could you possibly try to grow in the same direction? Is that too much to ask? You seem to be a bit scattered and all over the place. For such a small area, your growth pattern is perplexing, making removal a rather tedious task.
I can’t forget to address the peculiarities of big toe and the “top of the foot” hair. Why, oh why? And let’s not ignore the random Nipple Fur. Seriously, do I need to deal with stray hairs around my areolas too? My doctor once casually assured me, “It’s completely normal to have a few stray hairs,” to which I responded with a deep voice, “Thanks, doc.” But let’s be real—no woman feels feminine with nipple hair, no matter how minimal.
While I genuinely don’t care what your hair preferences are, I’m not a fan of the random hairs that seem to multiply as I age. Every day, it’s a new round of inspections: a quick check of the mustache, a glance under the arms, a scrutinizing look at my chin, brows, and feet. Each shower is turning into a marathon of maintenance, with no end in sight. It feels like there’s a hair revolution happening, and I’m not amused.
Perhaps I should just stop caring and only tidy up when company comes over. That seems to be the best strategy.
This article was originally published on Jan. 23, 2017.
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In summary, dealing with unexpected hair growth is an ongoing struggle, especially as we age. The constant maintenance can be exhausting, but ultimately, it’s about finding what works best for you.