We recently took a family vacation to Disneyland during the holidays, and one of the first things my partner and I packed was a leash for our energetic 2-year-old. Taking her anywhere feels like managing a wild animal in the great outdoors. This doesn’t mean we love her any less or don’t appreciate her adventurous spirit—we absolutely do! But with three kids, she’s the youngest and, without a doubt, the most determined little explorer I’ve ever known.
We anticipated the judgmental stares and the occasional snarky comments about our decision to use the leash. Sure enough, as Lily dashed forward with all her might, I could feel the eyes of other parents boring into me, as if I were treating her like a pet. At one point, a woman even had the nerve to ask if a leash was really necessary. Just moments later, Lily made a beeline for the moat surrounding the “It’s a Small World” ride. If it hadn’t been for the leash, she would have taken an unexpected plunge, and I doubt that would have changed the opinion of the judgmental lady behind us.
The reality of parenting a spirited child is that you’re criticized no matter what you do. If I didn’t use a leash at crowded places like amusement parks, zoos, or malls, Lily would likely be the one announced as the missing child over the intercom. She could easily find herself wandering into a busy parking lot or, heaven forbid, climbing into a tiger enclosure.
Though she’s adorable with her pigtails and tiny hands, she lacks a grasp of danger, fear, or even embarrassment—while I, as her parent, am acutely aware of all three. I keep her on a leash primarily for her safety, as she is completely unpredictable. My oldest child, Max, was just as adventurous, and we also used a leash on him, but we opted for a more discreet monkey backpack leash. With Lily, we simply embrace the obvious leash and use it without hesitation.
My middle child, Zoe, was a different story. She was calm and content to stay close to us, so we never needed a leash for her. This just goes to show that every child is unique; having a toddler who can be trusted to stay by your side doesn’t make you a superior parent—it just means your child is different. If your child is more compliant, that’s wonderful! But it doesn’t reflect on your parenting abilities.
As a parent, I know that things will continue to evolve. Lily may master potty training quicker than your child or learn to read before them. But none of that indicates who is a good or bad parent; it simply highlights the fact that children develop at their own pace. Some are naturally more cautious, while others are fearless and curious.
To those who aren’t parents and feel compelled to judge those of us who use leashes, let me tell you: you have no idea what we’re dealing with. We’re just trying to ensure our spirited child is safe while keeping our sanity intact.
During our three days at Disneyland, the leash served its purpose beautifully. It prevented Lily from leaping off the Casey Jr. Train, escaping from the Dumbo Ride, and running straight into the crowd countless times. So if you saw me with a lively blonde toddler on a leash and thought to yourself that it was unnecessary, this is why we made that choice.
I would prefer if Lily held my hand or stayed close without the tugging and kicking, but that’s not her nature. Yet, I wouldn’t change a thing about her. She possesses an unmatched curiosity and zest for life. Though these traits can be overwhelming now, I believe they will be qualities to admire in the future.
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In summary, using a leash for a spirited child is a practical decision rooted in safety, not a reflection of parenting skills. Every child is unique, and we should embrace those differences with understanding and kindness.