For the most part, I consider myself someone who follows the rules—especially when it comes to the big life choices. You told me to pursue my education, so I earned a PhD. You suggested marriage and starting a family, and I jokingly asked you to repeat it so my partner would take note. But now, enough is enough: I need you to stop insisting that I have more children.
Let’s be clear—most of you aren’t even family. My actual relatives have respected our choice to be “one and done” parents. You’re the mom I casually met at the playground, my hairstylist, a high school acquaintance, or even a stranger commenting on social media. Yes, you—almost always a woman—really need to back off.
Our beautiful daughter is three years old, and we feel complete. While I can’t guarantee she won’t wish for siblings someday, I’ve spoken with friends who grew up as only children, and they mostly turned out fine. The constant questioning about their upbringing was the worst part, and I used to think their complaints were odd. Now, I totally get it.
You never let up. When someone asks if I want more kids, my stomach drops because I know a lecture is coming. I’ve heard it all: I’m a selfish mother dooming my daughter to a life of loneliness and despair. When my husband and I are gone, she’ll be left alone, clutching old photos of us in a corner. I understand that you fell deeper in love with your firstborn when they interacted with your second child, but that’s not my experience.
I recognize the value of having siblings. My younger brother is one of the most valued people in my life, and I loved growing up with him. Yet, the idea of having more children feels wrong for me and my family.
After hearing so many of you insist I’m harming my child by not having more kids, I tried to change my mind. I consulted my OB-GYN and my primary care physician about the risks of pregnancy, especially given my chronic illness. Yes, some of us have real medical considerations that complicate pregnancy, but it seems those details are often ignored in conversations with strangers. My doctors cleared me to try for another child, so I started taking prenatals, and my husband and I went for it.
I quickly fell into a deep depression. I didn’t want to be pregnant or have a second child. It’s incredibly tough to be a good mom when you’re feeling this way. But I trusted you. There are so many of you, all so certain.
Sure, there were possibilities that everything could turn out beautifully, but it just didn’t feel right. I want to emphasize that. Deep down, trying for a second child felt wrong for me and my family. Each time I took a pregnancy test, I felt nauseous, relieved for a fleeting moment when it read “not pregnant,” then panicking that I might still be expecting. It was nothing like how I felt with my first pregnancy. After one month of trying, we both felt relieved and happy with our decision to stop. Now we truly know how we feel, and this is a joyful time for us, despite the outside opinions.
I know what you’re all going to say: It’s not about what I want; it’s about what’s best for my daughter. But honestly, I need you to stop right there. Who are you to dictate what’s best for my child in such a complex situation? My happiness and stress undeniably affect my parenting, which, in turn, impacts her.
And let’s remember—stop sharing how sad only children are in front of my daughter.
So, will she be lonely as she grows up? Perhaps, but many children have friends and relationships that support them. Life is full of possibilities. Will it be difficult when my husband and I are no longer here? Yes, of course. But I hope by then, she’ll have her own family and a rich network of relationships. Your experiences and those of your children are valid, but they aren’t the only way to find happiness.
As for the worry that she might grow up “weird” because she’s an only child, guess what? Everyone is unique! People with one sibling can be just as quirky. The reality is, I’ve never met anyone who fits the mold of “normal.”
So please, take a step back and let it go. Or if you feel so strongly about it, have another child for me. Your family size is ultimately your business.
In conclusion, if you’re interested in more about fertility or home insemination, check out this post or visit Make a Mom for valuable insights. For those seeking more information, this resource on genetics and IVF is excellent.