Sometimes, life throws more challenges our way than we anticipate. Perhaps we hold ourselves to unrealistic standards or buy into overly romanticized visions of our futures—think “Prince Charming,” “White Picket Fence,” or “Glass Slippers.” But let’s be real: How many frogs must you kiss before finding your prince? And why would you want a picket fence if it means dealing with a homeowners association? As for glass slippers, I can barely get my muddy boots off after a long day.
At the tender age of 10, I began crafting my vision for the future, heavily influenced by catchy song lyrics. I was smitten for the first time with a boy named Alex, whose family lived nearby in our working-class New Jersey neighborhood. Sure, he was out of my league, but my youthful heart didn’t care.
My early checklist included things like:
- Have children
- Instill good values in them
- Become a rockstar wife (preferably to someone like Jon Bon Jovi)
As the years rolled by, I learned the importance of adapting my checklists. I envisioned myself as the perfect multitasking mom: a gourmet cook, a gym devotee, and a nurturing parent—all while maintaining a glamorous appearance. My goals morphed into a long list of impossible tasks, each one more daunting than the last.
As adulthood hit, those initial boxes I checked off—“Married,” “Successful Career,” “Kids as per Whitney’s Instructions”—only led to an overwhelming avalanche of new expectations. The sheer volume of tasks sometimes left me feeling paralyzed, as I wondered if I’d ever catch up. I’ll admit, I hit a low point when I struggled with something that seems so innate for many women: breastfeeding.
“Breast is best.” I knew this mantra as well as anyone. I had every intention of making it work, but reality didn’t align with my plans. Instead of detailing my struggles, let’s cut to the chase: it just didn’t happen, and I can’t always articulate why. The hardest part? The judgment when people ask not if I breastfed but how long I managed to do it.
I genuinely admire friends who have successfully navigated breastfeeding; their stories of bonding over late-night feeds and overcoming chapped nipples fill me with respect. I was mentally prepared for all of that, yet I still had to revise my checklist and strike through “Manage chapped nipples.”
Once, I stumbled upon a Facebook post from a friend upset over free formula from a company, calling it “poison.” I couldn’t help but think about how I would have welcomed it, had our situations been reversed. Guilt still creeps in regarding my breastfeeding journey, especially when I see my kids facing minor ailments or quirky behaviors that make me question if I could have changed something by breastfeeding.
But I need to remind myself that such worries only distract from my parenting successes. I can’t control everything—like why my son thinks he’s a superhero or if their colds stem from a playdate or their mom’s choices.
These days, my checklist looks a bit different:
- Focus on happiness
- Share smiles
- Remember that our kids are our future and do my best not to mess them up.
And that’s perfectly fine with me.
If you’re interested in more insights, check out our other blog posts, including this one about privacy policies. For anyone looking to boost fertility, this resource on fertility boosters is excellent. Furthermore, if you want to learn more about intrauterine insemination, this NHS resource is quite helpful.
Summary
The author reflects on the unrealistic expectations often placed on motherhood, particularly regarding breastfeeding. She shares her personal journey and the challenges she faced, ultimately emphasizing the importance of adapting one’s goals and focusing on happiness and well-being rather than perfection.