I’m starting to think toddlers might just be miniature bats. They seem to thrive in the night, conserving their energy all day only to unleash their wild side after the sun goes down. Breakfast becomes a ritual of snack requests and endless “Can I watch TV?” moments. It’s like they’re channeling their inner Roger Ebert without the need for a pen—their main job is munching snacks and begging for YouTube.
Then, as bedtime rolls around, they transform into pint-sized performers, bursting with energy as they dance, sing, and tell the silliest jokes. You can practically see the Olympic potential as they somersault and hang upside down from their tiny beds, while weary parents plead, for what feels like the hundredth time, to brush their teeth. Or maybe that’s just my evening routine. How’s yours going?
I genuinely fear I might never leave my 3-year-old’s room. Most nights, I’m trapped in there for 45 minutes, but tonight it stretched to a full hour. I worry that one of these nights, I’ll fall victim to his adorable distractions, forget to eat, and accidentally drift off to sleep—only to be jolted awake by a toy to the head and suffocated by a blanket. What a way to go!
It all started so innocently six months ago with a simple story in the rocking chair after lights out. Then came the requests for songs, back rubs, and endless delays: “I need to go to the bathroom!” or “Just one more book!” It escalated quickly to needing water, a favorite soft toy, and a specific blanket—definitely not that one! The questions keep coming too: “What is the future, Dad?” and “Do mamas have penises?”
Now, we’ve added a gymnastics routine to our nightly ritual. It begins with him vaulting into bed using the rocking chair, followed by a series of extreme somersaults. You’d think somersaulting wasn’t a contact sport until you hear the thud-crack-thwomp sounds echoing from his bed around 8 PM. I try to encourage him to calm down but all he offers are questions like, “Is my mind in my head?” and “How do you quiet a mind?” And, of course, my favorite response: “NO!”
Bedtime has also become a time for creating new catchphrases. Tonight’s was “Boom boom, in my room!” which involves jumping on his changing pad and singing an off-key rendition of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” while raising a leg in the air—truly a Vegas-worthy performance.
Why share all this? Because I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Countless parents are out there, feeling like they’re battling against the forces of nature to get their toddlers to behave like, well, humans. But let’s be honest—they’re more like bats that just happen to have a vocabulary! If you ever encounter one of these creatures in a dark room, it’s probably best to make a hasty exit—screaming, if necessary.
But don’t worry, there’s hope! Eventually, the sun will rise again, and they’ll eventually settle down, right?
If you’re navigating similar challenges, consider checking out more parenting advice in our other blog posts, like this one on intracervicalinsemination.com/blog/. Plus, for those looking into fertility, makeamom.com offers great insights on supplements to boost fertility. And for more information on pregnancy, the CDC is an excellent resource available at cdc.gov/pregnancy.
Summary:
Navigating bedtime with a toddler can feel like an extreme sport, with endless questions and performances taking over the night. As parents, we often find ourselves trapped in their whimsical routines, yearning for a moment of peace. But we’re not alone; many are in the same boat, hoping for a return to normalcy.