It was just a couple of years ago when my daughter, Lily, first expressed her independence with the words, “I no want it.” We were preparing for a special event at school, and I excitedly chose a lovely dress for her to wear. Our exchange went something like this: Lily, with a determined shake of her head, declared, “I no want it.”
Taken aback, I asked, “What do you mean you don’t want it? This dress is so cute!” And honestly, it was – a charming corduroy piece adorned with animals and bright pink accents, what’s not to adore?
Yet, I took a deep breath, stepped back mentally, and allowed her to pick something else. Admittedly, her choice leaned more toward “play clothes” than the formal “event attire,” but she looked delightful, and most importantly, she was happy to have made her own decision.
From a young age, children develop a sense of self and their own preferences, even if those preferences differ from ours. As parents, we often worry about how our choices and our children’s choices will be perceived by others. While I’ve learned that the opinions of others shouldn’t dictate my self-worth, kids may struggle with this notion. It’s essential to give them the space to navigate these challenges rather than rushing in to shield them from discomfort.
A friend shared a story about her son, who wanted to wear a pink barrette to preschool. When she suggested he might prefer carrying it instead, he confidently chose to wear it in his hair. She embraced his choice with a warm hug, sending him off to have a great day. My daughter often opts for mismatched socks, and my son once wanted bright yellow nail polish for daycare. I offered him the option to save it for the weekend, but he chose to flaunt it during the week. I proudly supported him as he ventured out, wishing him a joyful day.
By affirming their choices, we send a powerful message of love and acceptance. We communicate that their preferences matter, reinforcing their sense of worth, regardless of mismatched socks or colorful nail polish.
What happens when we say no? While I can’t definitively say what such refusals mean for our children, I believe every experience teaches them something. That little boy may have faced giggles or high fives, while my daughter might have received curious glances about her socks. My son likely encountered questions about his bright nails. However, all of them learned invaluable lessons, perhaps about courage or embracing individuality. They discovered that within the journey of life, they can make choices and will always find love and support in their parents’ arms.
Embracing their authenticity, celebrating every quirky outfit, and cheering them on through colorful nail polish and playful accessories is our way of nurturing their self-esteem. It’s a beautiful path of growth, where we remind them of their unique awesomeness at every turn.
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In summary, giving children the freedom to make their own choices fosters independence, boosts their self-esteem, and strengthens the parent-child bond. Embracing their individuality, no matter how unconventional, is a vital part of their developmental journey.