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You Can Stop Pitying Me for Having All Boys
I highly doubt anyone would stop me while I’m shopping and exclaim, “I’m sorry you don’t have long hair,” or “That outfit would look better with a belt.” That would just be ridiculous, right? For a complete stranger to judge me based on my appearance as I navigate the aisles with my shopping cart?
Yet, it happens all the time, but not due to my looks—it’s about my kids. I’m the proud mom of four boys, and we all know that people have unsolicited opinions about larger families (“You do know how that works, right?”). But with all my children being boys, the comments seem to multiply.
Sometimes, I appreciate the remarks from those who share that they had all sons too, finding joy in my family. What really gets under my skin, though, is the sympathy. The pitying glances and comments like “Bless your heart” or “Wow, you’ve got your hands full”—all delivered with an underlying tone that suggests my life must be chaotic and incomplete without a daughter.
I felt this more acutely when I was pregnant with my fourth son. Whenever I revealed that I was having another boy, 90% of the responses were marked by disappointment. Even from family members whom I hoped would celebrate with me. I even received apologies from people who said, “I’m sorry you didn’t get your girl.” What do you say to that? It’s shocking that I made it through the pregnancy without losing my cool.
I’m sure parents with all girls can relate. When your children share the same gender, it seems to give people the right to assume we must be unsatisfied with our “lack of variety” and pry into our future reproductive plans as if we have a problem to solve.
If I had a dollar for every time someone asked if my husband and I were going to “try for a girl,” I’d have enough to adopt a dozen daughters. After years of struggling with infertility before we welcomed our first son, the insinuation that I should somehow be dissatisfied with my boys is infuriating. Those years of heartache and countless procedures were not easy, and the idea that I should want something different now makes my blood boil.
What’s worse is that people often say these things in front of my boys, as if they can’t hear the implication that we should wish for something else. This is why we won’t be having more children; I don’t want to inadvertently validate anyone’s belief that we failed by not having a girl. I want my boys to understand that they are more than enough. I don’t long for anyone who isn’t here; they fill my heart with joy and love.
I have a beautiful family made up of four incredible boys, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. So really, why should anyone feel sorry for me?
If you’re interested in more about parenting and family topics, check out our other blog posts, like this one on home insemination methods or learn more about resources such as March of Dimes.
Summary:
In this heartfelt piece, Jessica Harrington shares her experiences as a mother of four boys, addressing the unsolicited pity and disappointment she frequently encounters from others regarding her family dynamics. She emphasizes the joy and completeness her sons bring to her life, countering societal expectations and judgments about gender diversity in families. Ultimately, she champions the love and fulfillment her boys provide, challenging others to reconsider their assumptions about family structures.