I was lounging on the couch with my 9-year-old son, Ethan, ready to dive into a movie night. Just then, he pointed out a couple of holes in his beloved stuffed Build-A-Bear Pikachu, the highlight of his Christmas. He had been carrying it around for weeks. When I offered to mend it, he gave me a look that reminded me of how a prisoner might eye their captor—wide-eyed and defensive. He hugged Pikachu tightly, as if I was about to snatch it away from him.
“Dads don’t sew,” he said, shaking his head as if I was violating a sacred rule.
I sighed dramatically. My partner, Laura, was in the next room working on her laptop. “Actually, Dad can sew,” she chimed in. “I’ve seen him do it, and he’s pretty skilled.”
Ethan promptly marched over to Laura and tried to push the torn Pikachu into her arms, expecting her to abandon her work to fix it on the spot.
This behavior isn’t unique to Ethan; all our kids do this. They seem to think that Mom is the only one who can meet their needs. Meanwhile, I’m more than capable of helping out. I’ve heard many mothers express their frustration about their kids demanding things from them while their fathers are just a few feet away. I see it in my own home and honestly, it drives me a bit bonkers.
I love being involved in my children’s lives, and I know many fathers feel the same. It’s perplexing why I often have to persuade my kids to accept my help, like I’m staging some kind of intervention. When Laura is around, it’s as if my contributions are viewed with suspicion. I’ve had instances where the kids have refused a glass of milk from me simply because it wasn’t Mom who poured it. It’s maddening.
Laura works part-time, making her the primary caregiver. But when I’m home, I want to feel like I’m contributing more than just bringing in a paycheck. Even though I might complain about some chores or urge the kids to do things they can handle themselves, I genuinely want to help. Yet, it often takes some convincing and a bit of light-hearted arguing for them to let me pitch in.
After a bit of back and forth, I grabbed a needle and thread and insisted that Ethan hand over his Pikachu. He hesitated again, but eventually relented. I offered to teach him how to sew, but he seemed too anxious about the prospect of me handling it, so I decided to just get to work. As I sewed, he watched intently, as if I were performing surgery. It gave me a warm feeling to know he was seeing that dads can be handy too.
I’m not quite sure where Ethan picked up the idea that sewing is solely a mother’s role. It’s crucial for him to know that he can do all sorts of tasks, regardless of gender. It’s equally important for my children to learn that there’s no shame in a dad taking on nurturing roles, just as there’s no shame in a mom working in construction.
Over the past year, I’ve shown Ethan how to clean a toilet, cook simple meals, do laundry, and care for his baby sister, among other things. Each time he looks at me with skepticism, I’m confident he’s learning that being a dad means stepping up in various ways—not just clocking in at work.
Once I finished sewing up the small holes, I felt a sense of accomplishment. The stitches may have puckered slightly, but they were hidden in Pikachu’s neck, and I tugged on them to show him how sturdy it was now. “See? Good as new!” I said, handing it back.
He gave me a half-hearted smile, a mix of joy and embarrassment. “Next time, you’re doing it,” I teased, giving him a playful punch on the arm.
Kids, let’s remember that dads can do just as much as moms. Whether it’s fixing toys or whipping up dinner, we’re all in this parenting journey together!
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In summary, it’s essential for children to recognize that both parents can contribute equally in nurturing roles. Dads can sew, cook, and care for their kids just as well as moms, and it’s time we break those outdated stereotypes.