Shopping has always been my greatest indulgence, a habit that has persisted throughout my adult life. Back in college, I dedicated an alarming amount of time and money to shopping sprees. During a particularly challenging junior year, I found myself splurging thousands of dollars at stores like Victoria’s Secret, Lush, and Wet Seal. My wardrobe overflowed with lacy underwear and trendy clothes, allowing me to do laundry only once a month. Although I often felt a pang of guilt with each purchase, it never deterred me from indulging my cravings. A casual glance at my bank statement each month was all it took until one fateful dinner with my mother, when my card was declined due to an overdrawn account. I was utterly embarrassed.
In a meeting with the bank manager, we devised a plan—another credit card with a high limit linked to my account to prevent future overdrafts. For a few months, I tried to be responsible, but soon enough, my reckless spending returned with a vengeance. Despite knowing my behavior was problematic, I found myself unable to resist.
My foray into online shopping began a few years ago. Initially, I craved the instant gratification that came from physically walking out of a store with my purchases. However, I discovered that online shopping provided a different kind of thrill. While it lacked the immediacy of in-store purchases, it offered a sense of awareness about what I was buying. I could still drown my sorrows or manage stress through the excitement of acquiring new pants, sweaters, or books. The arrival of a package from UPS or FedEx made my day.
Online shopping gave me a peculiar sense of control over my spending habits. I would meticulously browse through countless options, selecting the perfect dress or jeans. Each item in my cart felt like a well-considered choice, compared against similar options based on color and compatibility with my existing wardrobe. Watching my cart fill up provided a rush akin to the joy of personally shopping in-store. “This will be my go-to outfit!” I would tell myself as I added another sweater.
I thrived on having choices, matching shoes from my closet to dresses I came across online, envisioning all the occasions I could wear them. It became somewhat compulsive, especially since I loathe paying for shipping. It brought me peace to see my total reach just over $50, even by a few cents. At my peak, I had my debit card number memorized, making online purchases a seamless experience.
My online shopping obsession wasn’t limited to clothing; it extended to music and books. As a passionate music lover, I turned to Amazon to fill the gaps in my collection left by local music stores. I unearthed CDs from international artists and albums from my favorite British pop groups that were impossible to find in the U.S. Logging into my iTunes account became a slippery slope, where I found myself unable to resist purchasing everything that caught my eye. When I ventured into online book shopping, there were no longer limits on how many I could buy—Amazon deliveries filled with books arrived at my doorstep every month, enabling me to build my own library.
What truly excites me, though, is a good sale. There are few feelings as exhilarating as discovering that one of my favorite retailers is offering discounts. When flash sale websites emerged, I eagerly signed up for all of them. With my expensive taste and limited budget, I could snag designer jeans at up to 60% off. It was a thrill I still cherish, particularly for the cowboy boots I bought at 40% off. Eventually, I had to unsubscribe from numerous store emails to regain some semblance of control, though I still keep a few from shops I frequent for myself and my son. When shopping for him, I enter a trance-like state, loading my cart with stylish shirts and pants, always aiming to ensure he’s one of the best-dressed toddlers around. Yet, I often grapple with where to store all the clothing I purchase. Missing a coupon expiration feels like a personal failure.
While I’ve learned to manage my shopping impulses somewhat, the joy it brings me is hard to replicate elsewhere. Even late at night, in my pajamas and surrounded by darkness, I find delight in browsing The Children’s Place or Old Navy‘s websites, relishing the search for the ideal shirt for my son or a new pair of leggings for myself. The thrill of receiving a shipping confirmation email and the anticipation of a delivery at my doorstep still make my heart race. Though I’ve become more patient, waiting for the right sale, I doubt I could ever completely quit my shopping habit.
Now, with many financial responsibilities (one of which affectionately calls me “Mom”), I’ve come close to financial ruin from my shopping addiction more times than I care to admit. I know I’m not alone in this indulgence. I’ve discovered that moderation is key, and keeping my budget in mind enhances the experience. Unless, of course, there’s a sale…
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Summary:
The author shares their long-standing love for shopping, detailing how it has evolved from in-store purchases to the delights of online shopping. Experiences of guilt, excitement over sales, and the joy of finding the perfect items are recounted, along with a recognition of the need for moderation amidst the thrill of indulgence. The narrative reflects on the balance of financial responsibilities and the joy shopping brings, especially when finding great deals.