Parenting
Zero Gratitude for This Potty Training Wisdom
by Emma Louise
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: Feb. 5, 2017
I did everything I could to dodge the potty training journey. Partly due to my laziness, but mostly because I couldn’t shake the memories of my childhood spent with little brothers. Those were the days of shared bathrooms with sticky, urine-soaked floors; the delight of sitting on a toilet seat dusted with yellow sprinkles; and the constant sensation that my morning routine was unfolding in a sketchy truck stop restroom.
But the longer I postponed it, the more my social media feeds filled up with proud parents celebrating their kids’ potty training milestones. I get it. Hooray for Timmy on Day 2 of his Toilet Triumph!
Still, I remained doubtful. You can’t trust social media, right? I was convinced that for every proud Mom post, there was a hidden mess lurking in a closet somewhere. My procrastination continued until, one day, the truth hit me hard. My son’s preschool teacher asked me to send him in underwear because he was excelling with potty time at school. My face paled, but she seemed so sure.
“Oh, don’t worry!” she chirped. “Just toss a Cheerio in the toilet. He’ll aim for it like it’s a game!”
Just. Like. A. Game.
Why those words didn’t echo ominously in my head, I’ll never understand. But surprisingly, using cereal as a target for my aim-challenged toddler was not the worst suggestion I’d encounter.
I’d like to express my utter disdain for the folks who offered me atrocious potty training tips. In the spirit of community service, I’m sharing these gems so you can avoid this, ahem, dreadful advice.
“Aim for a Cheerio! It’ll be fun!”
You know that carnival game where you try to hit a target with a water gun? Yep, that’s what this feels like. Add a 3-year-old with a phallic-shaped object and a floating Cheerio in the mix, and you’ve got chaos! Spoiler alert: no one wins, and I end up scrubbing the floors with bleach wipes. Trust me; keep the cereal in the bowl — the non-porcelain kind.
“Keep a stash of Skittles for bribery!”
This might work for the rule-abiding kiddos. You know, the ones who don’t climb the slide backward. But for crafty ones? Not so much. My son quickly figured out he could stretch his trips to the potty to maximize his candy rewards. After consuming an entire bag of sugar and risking a UTI, we ditched the bribery plan. In the end, we decided that the reward for using the potty is simply not sitting in soggy pants. Congratulations, kid. You’ve earned some time without wet britches, which is far better than a handful of sugary treats.
“Purchase that cute singing potty!”
I’ll admit, for a brief moment, I thought this was a winner. The cheerful song, the pretend flushing, the adorable mini-potty — it all sounded great, right? Wait until the middle of the night when all is quiet and those eerie giggles start. There’s nothing quite as terrifying as waking up to the sound of a child’s voice singing in your bathroom when your child isn’t even in there. You find yourself covering your head with the blankets, praying that the demon toy in the other room stops its haunting. Seriously, skip the singing toilet. But if you do buy it, maybe keep an exorcist on speed dial. (Or just remove the batteries.)
“Tell your child that poop is fish food!”
Okay, I’ll give credit where it’s due. While this is terrible advice, it’s also incredibly entertaining. Watching your child’s face contort in horror when you casually inform them that “Dory and Nemo need a snack, so it’s time to poop in the potty!” is sitcom-worthy. Is it motivating? Not at all. Is it hilarious? Absolutely!
Despite the avalanche of awful advice, we eventually cracked the potty training code. Like everything in parenting, we had to discover what suited our family and roll with it. Now, I’ve joined the ranks of proud parents sharing my child’s potty achievements on social media. I’m practically a pro now.
Have you tried the sinking Cheerio game? It’s surprisingly effective!
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Summary:
Potty training can be a daunting task for parents, filled with unsolicited advice that often misses the mark. From using Cheerios as targets to bribing with candy, the journey is riddled with humorous yet ineffective tips. Ultimately, each family must find their unique approach and embrace the challenges along the way.