Dear Millennial Mom,
I see you juggling your lively toddler, his sun-kissed hair brushing against his shoulders as he stretches and squirms in that high chair. You glance around nervously while he lets out a frustrated yell, and your partner heads off to the bar—what a guy! You pull out your phone to capture a picture of your little one ready to blow while you patiently explain why he needs to stay put. With your other hand, you rock the fussy baby strapped to your chest. Over at a nearby table, two older women shoot you disapproving looks. Are they irritated with your toddler’s antics, your phone, or perhaps both?
I can only imagine the status update you’ll write later. (Please know I’m not being snarky.)
Your husband sets your wine glass in front of you, smiling, just as the little one kicks the table, sending crayons flying and wine spilling. The baby wails, and I can see your face turn red as you scramble to clean up, soothe the baby, and whisper-yell to your partner for help with the now-tantruming toddler. You know there’s no going back now. All you wanted was that delicious glass of wine, a juicy burger, and sweet potato fries. By the time your food arrives, you’re asking for a to-go box.
The two women at the next table giggle over their salads, but I feel your embarrassment. I’m the mom in my 40s across the room with my well-behaved 5-year-old. My glass of wine is intact mainly because I’ve let my daughter munch on butter straight from the dish that came with the breadbasket. Despite our age difference, I completely understand what you’re going through. Parenting can be chaotic no matter what generation you belong to.
As a Gen X mom raising a third child later in life, I find myself surrounded by moms like you. Sure, you’re often glued to your phone, and some of your choices leave me scratching my head, but we share a common goal: we both want to raise happy, healthy kids, even if our methods differ. And you know what? You’re doing an incredible job, even when it feels overwhelming.
There’s an avalanche of information available to you now compared to when I had my first child. Sharing snippets of your life online is as second nature to you as sleep schedules are to me. I understand you choose to engage with this—Instagram posts, virtual support groups, and the relentless stream of parenting advice—but you shouldn’t have to face judgment for it. Sifting through advice and opinions must be exhausting, but I see why you do it. You don’t want to go it alone. You have a vibrant online community at your fingertips, glowing through your handheld device, and that sense of support can be a lifesaver.
I didn’t have that luxury back in the day. Connecting with fellow moms meant leaving my house, which was a challenge due to postpartum depression and nursing difficulties that kept me isolated. When I did venture out, I often forced a smile, pretending everything was perfect, when it wasn’t. Your openness and willingness to share feel like a more genuine way to navigate motherhood than the facade of perfection my generation often felt pressured to maintain.
I know you sense judgment from the women at the next table, but let me tell you, ignore them. Parenting is tough, and you’re handling it beautifully. When you take a moment to snap a photo and share it, it doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your kids. It signifies that for just a fleeting second, you’re taking care of yourself amid the chaos. That’s something I wish I could have embraced back in my early parenting days. That brief moment of connection is exactly what you need to get through those next few challenging minutes as you wrangle your little ones and head home.
But please, don’t leave on my account. I understand how difficult it is to get out the door and how disappointing it is to cut an outing short. I see your struggle; I’ve been there, and it can be really tough raising kids. I can’t say it gets easier, as each phase of childhood presents its own challenges, but everything evolves, including you. You’ll discover your unique parenting style and what truly works for you. One day, you will sit down in a restaurant with your kids and relish that burger, fries, and glass of wine from start to finish.
And when that day comes, I hope you share it on Instagram because that’s a moment worth celebrating.
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In summary, every generation faces its own parenting challenges. While you may feel judged or overwhelmed at times, remember that you’re doing a fantastic job, and your experiences are valid. Embrace your unique parenting journey and know that support can be found both online and offline.