“Are you always this loud?”
“I think you’re being too aggressive.”
“You’re a bit over the top.”
“You need to tone it down.”
“That’s not very feminine.”
“You seem a bit intense.”
I’ve heard it all. I’m often described as too loud, too enthusiastic, too assertive, or too sensitive. The reality is, I embody many of these traits, but I refuse to be defined as “too” much of any of them.
The issue (for others) arises when I, as a woman, choose to communicate directly. I don’t apologize excessively, nor do I introduce my thoughts with “I’m sorry, but…” or “I don’t mean to sound harsh, but….” I’m not being rude or unkind; I simply refuse to sugarcoat my words just to appear polite. The patriarchy can take a backseat.
I’ve been told countless times that I “talk like a man,” and it wasn’t about my choice of words—it was about my forthrightness. I express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions when it matters. I don’t pressure anyone into conversation or debate, but I won’t remain silent when I feel wronged or deserve better. If I want a raise, I’ll ask for it. If someone hurts me, I’ll explain how and why so we can resolve it and move on. Why is honesty viewed as a masculine trait? When women exhibit these qualities, they’re often labeled as “bitchy” or “pushy.” Yes, I can be those things (as can you), especially when faced with stereotypes, but that doesn’t define me more than any other flawed human being.
I’m not too brash, loud, or aggressive; I’m fiercely passionate. I’m passionate about everything—from raising my wonderful kids to advocating for social justice, from diving into great books to discovering the best coffee on the West Coast (hello, Stumptown!). I’m deeply committed to feminism, equal rights, and paid parental leave. Passionate women are a force to be reckoned with, and the patriarchy doesn’t like that one bit.
Since childhood, I’ve been told to “calm down” or “relax.” It took time for me to realize those expectations weren’t mine to carry. I used to feel self-conscious about my loud voice, awkward laugh, or exuberance, but adulthood taught me that these traits have helped me make my voice heard and bring joy to others. You know what? I love making people laugh! I’m not overly hyper; I’m clever and sarcastic. I’m not excessively loud; I am bold and courageous.
And make no mistake, I do not need to tone it down, and I won’t let anyone instruct me to do so. Pursuing my passions means charging forward with enthusiasm. I refuse to let anyone diminish the qualities I proudly own. If someone condescends and tells me to calm down, I will respond assertively. (Remember, I communicate “like a man,” right?) I can’t maintain calmness while dismantling the patriarchy, so changing who I am is not on the table. This is simply me.
And let’s talk about the stereotype of being “too emotional” or “acting crazy.” This narrative is as old as time itself. When women express anger, sadness, or frustration, society often tries to silence us, labeling us as “hysterical.” We can’t let that happen! Yes, we may be emotional, but there’s so much in this world to feel deeply about. The world is a mix of beauty and cruelty, and we have the responsibility to strive for a better future for our children.
So yes, as we challenge the patriarchy, we will express our emotions. It’s necessary. It’s healing. There’s absolutely no shame in it. I won’t suppress my feelings to fit a more composed image. I wear my heart on my sleeve now, and I genuinely don’t care what anyone thinks about it. If my authenticity is “too much” for someone, they can easily exit stage left or hit the unfriend button.
Ladies, if you resonate with this, know that you are not “too much” of anything. Don’t allow partners, friends, family, or coworkers to hold you back. Society may try to label you as an outsider, but remember, that’s only because you’re rising up to be your true self, demanding progress, and standing firm in your beliefs. Don’t let the patriarchy bring you down anymore. Stay passionate, stay loud, and continue to push forward. The world needs your voice now more than ever.
In solidarity.
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In summary, embrace who you are, voice your passions, and refuse to be diminished by societal expectations. Remember, you are not “too much”—you are simply enough.