When my daughter, Lily, was born, she was simply perfect—tiny fingers, tiny toes, and an adorable little face. Like many new parents, I believed she was the most beautiful baby in the world. As she grew, I realized that, while she shared typical baby traits—gummy smiles, giggles, and the occasional diaper mishap—she was also different. Despite her cute exterior, Lily struggled with milestones. By eight months, she still couldn’t sit up unassisted and showed no interest in solid foods. When her peers were learning to walk, she was focused on army crawling and wouldn’t try traditional crawling until after her first birthday. It was then that I sought early intervention services, which eventually led to a diagnosis of cerebral palsy.
Throughout my life, I have always valued kindness and respect for everyone. However, I must admit that I had a certain discomfort around individuals with disabilities. I often found myself unsure of how to approach them—should I ignore their disabilities or acknowledge them? What was considered rude, and what was sensitive? This uncertainty left me feeling awkward and out of place.
About four years before Lily’s arrival, I found myself in a vocational rehabilitation program working with adults with developmental disabilities. At the time, I was unsure if I could handle the role, given my own discomfort. However, this experience became one of the most transformative periods in my life. I learned about disability rights, the history of oppression faced by individuals with disabilities, and the importance of advocacy. Most importantly, I formed connections with people who lived with disabilities, which profoundly changed my perspective. I learned to communicate beyond spoken language and recognized that every person, regardless of ability, has valuable contributions to make. I came to understand that everyone deserves to be seen, heard, and respected.
Ableism encompasses not only the discrimination faced by people with disabilities but also the societal structures that often marginalize them. While terms like racism and sexism are widely recognized, ableism remains less discussed, even though nearly 1 in 5 Americans experiences a disability, according to the 2010 census. While movements for civil rights have progressed, the issues surrounding disability rights are often overlooked.
One reason for this oversight may be that society has effectively made people with disabilities invisible. Think about it—how many television shows feature characters with disabilities whose stories aren’t centered around their disability? If you can only name a few, like Chrissy from Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, it’s likely because representation is scarce. This lack of visibility in media is a form of ableism itself. The fact that Chrissy is a cartoon character further highlights the issue of representation.
Ableism manifests in various forms, from outright mockery to the absence of accommodations in public spaces. Laws such as the Americans with Disabilities Act are designed to prevent discrimination, but legal protections don’t always equate to true inclusion. For instance, having one large restroom stall doesn’t equal thoughtful design for individuals with different abilities.
Our attitudes can also perpetuate ableism. Feeling pity for someone with a disability or assuming they need to be “fixed” reflects ableist thinking. Asking someone about the cause of their disability can come off as intrusive, much like a medical detective trying to solve a mystery. Moreover, assuming that a person’s quality of life is lesser because of their disability is a clear demonstration of ableism.
Language plays a significant role in reinforcing ableism. It’s astounding that, in 2023, many people still use the R-word without understanding its impact. Jokes about “the short bus” and even the casual use of the term “lame” can be hurtful and perpetuate negative stereotypes about individuals with disabilities.
Challenging these ingrained ideas can be uncomfortable. Our initial reaction may be defensiveness—“I’m not a bad person!” But it’s essential to view the world through a more equitable lens. Once we recognize the inequities faced by individuals with disabilities, we become more aware and less likely to contribute to them.
A crucial concept in discussing disabilities is “person-first language.” This means that we should recognize individuals as people first, rather than defining them solely by their disabilities. Someone with a disability is a person with a disability—not a disabled person. This distinction emphasizes that having a disability is just one aspect of who someone is.
One of the most significant privileges of being able-bodied is the lack of need to think about disability. This often leads to avoidance in discussing disabilities with children. When children notice differences, we may instinctively tell them to be quiet. However, instead of shushing them, we should answer their questions honestly and directly, fostering an environment of understanding and respect.
Celebrating the diversity of humanity—whether it be hair color, height, language, or ability—is essential. So when your children notice someone with a prosthetic limb or ask about a mobility aid, embrace the moment. Answer their inquiries with openness. This approach not only normalizes differences but also cultivates empathy, contributing to a kinder, more inclusive world.
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In summary, understanding ableism is crucial for fostering a more inclusive society. By challenging our own biases and promoting respectful language and representation, we can help create a world where everyone—regardless of ability—is valued. Recognizing our differences as strengths allows us to build a community that celebrates diversity.