One day, my kids will likely ask me how I realized their dad was the one for me. Perhaps they’ll stumble upon a fairy tale and ponder the notion of perfect love and a charming prince. They might watch a movie and start to imagine their own first kiss, date, or crush. Or maybe, when they’re on the cusp of adulthood, they’ll stand next to someone they’re interested in, questioning when and how they should make a lifelong commitment.
I will respond to my children with honesty and adapt my answers to match their stage of life and readiness for some real talk. My hope is to inspire them to have faith in love, even when it’s easy to doubt. This is particularly important to me, considering that doubt played a significant role in my early relationship with my husband, stemming more from my own less-than-ideal dating experiences than from his reliability.
Romantic Gestures and Real Love
I remember in the early months of our relationship, he surprised me with a collection of my favorite romantic comedies—a thoughtful gesture that showcased his understanding of my romantic side. In return, I laid bare a piece of my guarded heart, making it clear that my love for him came with conditions, which I listed over a candlelit dinner on Valentine’s Day.
It strikes me that we often lack candid discussions about love, both with our children and ourselves. Love can manifest in grand gestures: roses, candlelit dinners, and romantic surprises. But those moments can often lead us to feel affectionate without fully understanding the depth of love. While my husband excels in these romantic gestures, I won’t focus on those when explaining love to my kids.
The Depth of True Love
True love also encompasses the tough times—loss, sadness, and heartbreak. These moments can easily stir one to declare their devotion, especially when comfort is found in a partner. I have felt love during some of life’s darkest times, but I’ve come to realize that those moments don’t define my marriage as much as I once thought.
The love I’ll share with my children is rooted in the simple, everyday moments. It’s the love that prompts my husband to bring me a glass of water each night, knowing I’ll be exhausted from caring for our baby. It’s the love that leads him to tell our kids, “Mommy is the smart one,” ensuring they hear his admiration. It even shows in his awkward attempts at compliments, when he tries to say I don’t look “that young” compared to others.
A Memorable Weekend
Love is a tapestry of small gestures, meaningful conversations, and daily acts of kindness. I can pinpoint moments that illustrate this, but there’s one instance from this past weekend that I plan to share with my children when they ask about finding true love.
My husband is generally a laid-back guy who enjoys spending time with friends. However, he’s not typically one for themed parties. I, on the other hand, can embrace any theme thrown my way. So when we were invited to an 80s party, I was thrilled and spent weeks planning my outfit. I didn’t even consider asking my husband what he would wear because I assumed he wouldn’t participate.
Imagine my surprise when, on the night of the party, he casually suggested, “Should I shave my beard and go for a mustache?” Not wanting to pressure him, I said, “Do whatever you like.”
A few moments later, I heard him mutter, “Forget it.” I turned around to find my husband sporting the most ridiculous, creepy-looking mustache I had ever seen. And in that moment, I felt an overwhelming surge of love for him.
“This,” I exclaimed, “is why I married you. Your commitment to the theme!” We both laughed.
Sharing the Love
One day, I’ll share this story with my kids. It may not be a grand or romantic tale, but it encapsulates why I adore my husband. He’s willing to do anything to make me smile—even if it means sporting a comically bad mustache. I hope they come to find a love that inspires them to be just as goofy and dedicated. For more insights on love and family, check out this post on home insemination.
In summary, love is found in the small, everyday moments that build a relationship over time. It’s the silly things, the support through tough times, and the comfort of knowing you’re with your best friend.