“Did it hurt?” My 5-year-old, Lily, asked as I fastened a sparkling purple earring in my ear on New Year’s Eve. She had been eyeing those earrings with longing, holding them as if they were keys to the mysteries of growing up that she was eager to uncover.
With her question, she reached out to touch the hole in my other ear, her face contorted in a mix of curiosity and horror. I could tell she was grappling with the idea of metal piercing the skin. Despite her toughness, she has a notable aversion to anything sharp or invasive. Her older brother, Max, often teases her with wild stories about needles, making car rides a bit of a challenge—big brothers can be such trouble!
“It hurt for just a moment,” I reassured her, but she still seemed skeptical.
Her fear of needles has made me ponder whether she will ever decide to get her ears pierced. I imagine that by the time she reaches 12 or 13, the allure of pretty jewelry will outweigh her fears, and she’ll walk into the piercing studio like it’s a daunting task. I’ll likely insist they pierce both ears simultaneously to avoid a meltdown after the first one—after all, I’ve seen how that went for her cousin.
It would have been simple to pierce her ears when she was a baby or toddler. There wouldn’t have been much awareness or drama, and she wouldn’t even remember it now. However, I believe making that choice for her would have taken away something significant: her autonomy. I think it’s essential for every young girl to understand that her body is her own. Just as I wouldn’t tattoo her or shave her head against her will, I won’t pierce her ears either. Of course, I recognize that cultural practices around ear-piercing can vary, and they hold different meanings for many.
Perhaps there’s value in facing that fear. Maybe the experience of remembering how she overcame her apprehension is worth more than a simple procedure that she wouldn’t recall.
I distinctly recall my own ear-piercing experience at the mall when I was 12. I was terrified, clutching a worn-out teddy bear that felt too juvenile yet oddly comforting. The sound of the piercing gun and the sharp sting of pain are etched in my memory. I recall the gold stars I chose, the daily twisting of the earrings, and the stinging sensation of antibiotic cream. I made that choice, and I was prepared for the consequences.
I want my children to have that same opportunity. I want them to know, “This is your body, your choice, your pain. You take ownership of it all.” It’s crucial for them to feel that their bodies are not extensions of mine, but rather their own entities with the power to decide what happens to them. This sense of bodily autonomy is the most valuable gift I can offer them, far more meaningful than any shiny trinket.
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In summary, allowing children to make decisions about their bodies, such as ear piercing, fosters a sense of autonomy and empowerment. This experience, though potentially daunting, can help them face their fears and embrace ownership over their choices.