Phone calls during family dinner. Texts that interrupt the rare quiet moments. Emergency demands that require immediate attention, whether it’s late at night or on weekends. The work-life balance seems nonexistent, and it often feels like there’s an invisible third party in our relationship — but it’s not another woman. It’s my partner’s job. If it were an affair, perhaps I could find a way to compete, but how do you compete with a career?
I provide love and the comforts of home, but I can’t offer a paycheck, benefits, or retirement funds. He’s the main provider, and at times, I feel like a single mom with a financially supportive partner — who, ironically, just brings home groceries (like sugar, flour, and frozen waffles).
On one hand, I admire his unwavering work ethic and commitment to his career. Yet, there’s a lingering resentment when I’m left managing the bulk of household duties and battling loneliness. The few moments we do share are often disrupted by work notifications, making me want to throw his work phone into a creek — and I mean that literally!
But this is who he is; his job fuels his happiness and sense of fulfillment. While it may mean he’s away more than I would prefer, we’ve developed some strategies over the years to maintain our connection and alleviate some of my isolation. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some tips that have worked for us:
Find Shared Interests
Engaging in a hobby together can transform your limited time into enjoyable moments. Plus, it eases the pressure of making every second count. And when he’s busy, use that time to improve your skills.
Pursue Personal Interests
Take the opportunity to indulge in activities he might not enjoy. Whether it’s binge-watching your favorite emotional series or exploring new crafts, relish the freedom to enjoy what makes you happy.
Invest in Yourself
Use the time alone to focus on self-improvement. Whether you take a jiu-jitsu class or learn to make sushi, this time can be empowering. Pamper yourself freely — no witnesses means you can experiment with beauty routines without judgment.
Prioritize Date Nights
Schedule regular date nights to reconnect. These are especially important when both partners have hectic schedules. They provide a chance to bond, even if it’s just a stroll around the local hardware store.
Maximize Your Time Together
When you finally have an evening together, make it count. Avoid scrolling through your phones or arguing about bills. Designate tech-free time to engage with each other and discuss lighter topics.
Appreciate the Positives
It’s easy to dwell on the downsides of living with a workaholic. Yet, it’s crucial to recognize the benefits too; perhaps his job allows you to stay home or provides excellent health insurance. Sometimes, a little distance can be beneficial.
Understand His Work
Combat feelings of loneliness by familiarizing yourself with your partner’s job. Understanding his industry and daily challenges can foster empathy and connection.
Communicate Effectively
Expressing concerns about your partner’s absence is necessary, but approach the topic carefully. Clear, kind communication is essential to avoid defensiveness and maintain harmony.
Plan Ahead
Advance planning is vital for your social life and mental wellbeing. Spontaneous plans can clash with busy schedules, so ensure you arrange events well ahead of time.
Stay Connected Digitally
Leverage technology to maintain contact throughout the day. Quick texts or sharing memes can help you feel closer even when you’re apart for long stretches.
Being in a relationship with someone who is deeply committed to their career can be challenging, especially for those who crave emotional availability. However, it’s also a blessing to have a partner who works hard to provide for the family.
For more insights on this journey, check out our blog post here and consider resources from CDC to support your family planning.
Summary:
Navigating the challenges of having a partner who works excessively can be tough, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Yet, by finding shared interests, prioritizing personal growth, and making the most of your time together, you can foster a stronger connection. Understanding your partner’s work life and maintaining open communication is essential for a healthy relationship.