When Your Kids Don’t React to Surprises Like You Hoped (AKA They’re Nonchalant About Disneyland!)

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My partner, Sarah, and I had our three children lined up on the couch, ready for a moment of sheer joy. Oliver, our 9-year-old, was sporting a slightly crumpled superhero t-shirt and mismatched shorts, his eyes gleaming with the hope of receiving a new gaming console. Ava, our 7-year-old, was decked out in her favorite princess outfit, radiating excitement. And our toddler, well, she was engrossed in a movie on the iPad—our secret weapon to keep her still for the big announcement.

After saving for what felt like ages, we were finally set to take our family to Disneyland. This was a huge deal for us, as both Sarah and I work in education and live in a cozy home in rural Oregon. Our entire relationship has revolved around budgeting and saving, and this trip was going to be our biggest family adventure yet—three days in the park, a stay at the Disneyland Hotel, park hopper passes, the whole shebang. We spent countless evenings discussing how thrilled our kids would be once we told them, eagerly anticipating their reactions. We even used code words to keep the surprise under wraps.

We wrapped up the Disney passes along with some complimentary luggage tags, handing the package to our two oldest as we exchanged hopeful glances.

“What’s this?” Oliver asked, tearing into the wrapping.

“They’re passes to Disneyland!” Sarah replied, her voice bubbling with excitement.

“Oh…” Oliver said, his tone devoid of enthusiasm, as flat as when we told him it was PB&J for lunch.

Ava mirrored his reaction, and suddenly it felt like the air was let out of a balloon inside me. I looked at Sarah, who wore a frown, her brows knitted together. The tickets lay forgotten on the floor, Oliver had already donned his headphones, and Ava was wandering back to her room. There were no claps, no cheers, no signs of excitement.

I was baffled. As parents, we interpret moments like this in various ways. One possibility is that our kids have become a bit too accustomed to surprises. But considering the last big family trip was five years ago to a free zoo in Saint Louis, I doubted that theory.

Another interpretation could be that we hadn’t shown them the magic of Disneyland adequately. I remember how, as a child, the idea of visiting the Magic Kingdom was surrounded by a sense of wonder and excitement, often discussed in awe by both kids and parents alike.

However, I believe what really happened is something many parents encounter: we project our own childhood experiences and expectations onto our children, assuming they will value the same things we cherished. It’s common to see parents yelling from the sidelines at sports events, urging their kids to “have fun” or “take it seriously,” while their child is sitting there, picking at the grass, completely uninterested.

Both Sarah and I had visited Disneyland in our childhood, and those memories were some of our fondest. I remember my one trip with my father, which stands out as a rare positive experience amidst a mix of neglectful memories. But I realized, in that moment, our kids simply hadn’t experienced Disneyland yet. They lacked the emotional connection to it that we had.

In that instant, I felt hurt and confused, wondering if I was failing as a father.

“Really?” Sarah said, exasperated. “You don’t care?” She called Ava back into the room, excitedly telling her about the princesses she would meet, Snow White’s Castle, and all the magical experiences awaiting us. Then we turned to Oliver, explaining the thrilling rides and Star Wars attractions. As we searched for videos online, their interest piqued, and soon enough, excitement was evident on their faces. Success!

In the end, we had a fantastic trip, and the kids enjoyed every moment. Now that they’ve been to Disneyland, I’m confident their reactions would be much more enthusiastic if we surprised them again. But Sarah and I learned an important lesson: our children are still discovering the world around them. They haven’t experienced enough yet to share our excitement for things we loved, and just because they don’t appreciate what we did doesn’t mean they are ungrateful. They are simply unique individuals.

And honestly, I’m just glad they had a great time at Disneyland—after all, it cost us a pretty penny!

If you’re looking for more insights on home insemination and parenting, check out our other blog posts like this one on pregnancy and resources on infertility.

Summary

This article explores the relatable experience of parents who put significant effort into planning a surprise trip to Disneyland for their children, only to be met with indifferent reactions. It reflects on parental expectations versus children’s experiences, highlighting the importance of understanding that each child is unique. The narrative also emphasizes the need for parents to recognize their kids may not yet share the same excitement for experiences they themselves cherished.