When my son, Oliver, entered first grade, we found ourselves resorting to school lunch as a form of punishment for his behavior. As our eldest, he has always been an extremely selective eater. And by selective, I mean he only enjoys a very limited range of foods: cereal, macaroni and cheese, candy, and pistachios. It’s astonishing how narrow his tastes are, and while I try not to blame myself, I can relate—I, too, am a picky eater. Though I’ve learned to tolerate various dishes when dining out, I’d be perfectly content living on breakfast cereal and cola. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it helps me understand why Oliver dreaded school lunches, and I feel for his future partner because my wife finds this habit frustrating.
I can’t say for certain that school lunches are as bad as they were in the ’90s, or if they were ever really that terrible. Perhaps it was simply the lack of control over what I was served that irked me. I can still recall the agony of choosing between lasagna or meatloaf, both accompanied by half-frozen tater tots. However, what I do know is that Oliver insisted on bringing his lunch every day, and the thought of going to school without it felt as daunting to him as entering a dark cave. He was adamant about not eating anything that wasn’t prepared at home, especially from his short list of approved foods.
The turning point came one evening when he stubbornly refused to clean his room. Living in a small apartment, clutter was a huge issue, and as his blue eyes narrowed in defiance, I glanced at his packed lunch and said, “Fine. If you won’t clean your room, you can have school lunch tomorrow.”
He didn’t throw a tantrum like you might expect, but the distress in his eyes told me he was silently screaming. As a parent, I don’t relish my child’s discomfort, but like many parents of young kids, I take a certain satisfaction in discovering that one effective button to push for results. Some parents take away screen time or privileges, but for us, it was the dreaded school lunch—our secret weapon.
After years of searching for the right motivation, I finally had one. Oliver isn’t a bad kid, but nothing is more exasperating than a child who refuses to pick up their toys, complete their homework, or brush their teeth. As a parent, I thought I could teach him a lesson by taking away certain privileges. But then my son would look up at me and shrug, as if to say, “Is that the best you’ve got?”
Ultimately, he cleaned his room. For a long time, school lunch was a form of punishment for Oliver, and eventually, it even worked on our younger daughter, Mia. I’m sure some perfect parents out there would argue that using school lunch as punishment is terrible—perhaps I’m creating lifelong picky eaters. Maybe I’m inadvertently linking food to chores, leading them to become adults who rage-eat while they clean.
But here’s the twist: after a couple of years of using school lunch as a threat, one day Oliver simply shrugged and said, “That’s okay. I like school lunch.”
In that moment, it felt like I had lost my secret weapon. But by the next day, I realized the significance of his statement. This child, who once recoiled at anything outside his limited menu, was now comfortable eating school lunches. He’s still picky, but he’s improved significantly. Anyone who has shared a meal with a picky child knows how monumental this shift is.
Now in fourth grade, Oliver doesn’t bring a packed lunch. He happily eats whatever is on the school menu. Sometimes, parenting takes unexpected turns. In my quest to encourage him to do his chores, I inadvertently helped him become a better eater. It wasn’t my intention, but it worked. Now I just need to find a different consequence for when he refuses to clean his room next time.
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In summary, what began as a difficult situation with a picky eater evolved into a surprising success story. Through an unconventional approach, I managed to help my son become more adventurous with his food choices, all while learning valuable lessons about parenting along the way.