It all began sooner than I expected. My first child, Leo, was only about a year old when I found myself discussing our future plans with my father. “We’re considering adding another baby to the mix,” I shared. His response was immediate and harsh. “You really don’t want to do that. We had you and your sister close together, and it was a nightmare. It’ll ruin your life,” he said. A quick note: My sister and I are just 16 months apart, so any additional child would have been spaced out much more than that. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad; that’s not something I ever wanted to hear, alongside details about your intimate life and the latest political gossip.
As soon as you become a parent, it seems, your decisions about reproduction invite unsolicited commentary from all corners. Relatives, friends, and even strangers in the grocery store suddenly feel entitled to weigh in on your family size, composition, and the impact of parenthood on your life. The constant questioning is exhausting, frustrating, and frankly, none of their business.
The Timing Debate
The scrutiny began almost immediately with our second and third children. When I revealed that I was pregnant with my second child, Max, just 15 months after Leo’s birth, my family was less than enthusiastic. We were out at brunch when I casually mentioned the possibility of another baby. Leo was happily gumming a pickle in the corner when my mother shot back, “You really shouldn’t have another one right now. It’s too soon!” Little did she know I was already pregnant. The tension that followed was palpable, and I sulked for a long time after that. When we finally broke the news, she forced a smile, but the magic was gone.
If we hadn’t gotten pregnant then, I would have faced the dreaded, “When’s the second one coming?” remarks instead. At the pediatrician’s office, a nurse once commented, “Looks like you’re ready for the next one!” No, thank you.
At least we avoided the relentless comments about only children. People love to express their opinions, telling you that your child will grow up selfish or lonely without siblings. If you dare to say you want just one, they’ll argue with you. It’s a never-ending cycle.
Questions About My Choices
Then came the barrage of inquiries about whether the pregnancies were planned. Strangers would glance at my toddler and my growing belly, asking, “Was it planned?” It’s baffling that people think they have a right to know about my personal life. My standard response became, “Yes, it was planned,” followed by a noticeable shift in my demeanor, signaling I was done with the conversation. What happens behind closed doors is no one’s business.
When I was pregnant with my third child, Sam, just 16 months after Max, the questions intensified. Catholic friends were the only ones who offered genuine congratulations without prying for more details. It’s important to note: Asking if a child was planned is never appropriate. The only acceptable response is, “Congratulations! How can I help?”
Gender Expectations
I have always envisioned raising boys. While I would have welcomed a girl, my heart was set on having sons. So, when I was pregnant with my third child, people eagerly inquired, “Did you get your girl this time?” in front of my boys. No, we didn’t “get our girl,” because that was never the plan. I’d respond sweetly, “We’re thrilled with our boys!” but their confusion was palpable. I owe no explanations about my family size or gender.
Now, when I’m out shopping with my three energetic boys, the comments often turn to sympathy: “Oh, poor mom with all those boys!” I don’t need sympathy; I need my 3-year-old to stop yelling. When they ask if we’ll try for a girl, I simply say, “We’re considering fostering or adopting.” Their shocked expressions are priceless.
Even my babysitter chimed in recently, asking about being the only girl in the house. “I have Baxter, my dog,” I replied, leaving her speechless, which was exactly my intention.
The Dreaded “Are You Done?” Question
After years of pregnancy announcements, people are now curious if we’re “done.” I smile and say we’re adopting, but the questions keep coming. “Why not biologically?” “Are you unable to conceive?” I’ve learned to make them squirm: “I’m on psychiatric medications that make pregnancy unsafe. Unless I undergo divine intervention or shock therapy, this uterus is closed for business!”
When it comes to my family planning, the only opinions that matter are those of the individuals involved in raising the children. Not your relatives, not your friends, and certainly not the stranger in the grocery aisle—especially not her. Compliment my kids, remark on their rambunctiousness, but please, spare me the comments about needing a girl or asking if I’m expecting again.
For more insights into family planning and reproductive choices, you might find this link useful. Additionally, check out Make A Mom for authoritative information on home insemination methods. Another excellent resource is the Genetics and IVF Institute, providing valuable information on reproductive health.
Summary
Navigating the world of family planning opens the door to unsolicited opinions and inquiries from friends, family, and strangers alike. From timing and planning to gender preferences and whether you’re “done,” the questions can be overwhelming and intrusive. It’s crucial to remember that your reproductive choices are personal and don’t require validation from others. Embrace your journey without the noise of external opinions.