I never envisioned myself as a strict mom. My dream was to embody the calm, patient parent who could guide her kids without ever raising her voice. I recognized my own limitations, acknowledging that I might never attain that ideal, but it gave me a target to strive for—aiming high is always good!
As my children transitioned into their toddler years, I earnestly attempted to embody the most patient version of myself. I listened closely to their explanations for why they decided to throw their toys around or why my carefully prepared dinner was suddenly “gross.” I allowed them to cuddle with me in bed, as long as they tried to fall asleep on their own first.
I felt like I was doing everything right. I wanted my kids to understand that they were individuals deserving of kindness and respect, even at a young age. I aimed to treat them as I would any other person who entered my life. I never anticipated that this approach might backfire, but oh, how it did.
One day, as my son decided it was acceptable to chastise me for limiting his screen time, I had a moment of clarity. My efforts to be the “nice mom” had inadvertently turned my children into entitled little beings with little regard for my authority. That realization was quite a wake-up call.
I can’t pinpoint exactly when it all unraveled, but I can assure you that things quickly changed. I stopped tolerating their excuses for not doing chores. If they neglected to put their dishes in the sink or their clothes in the hamper, there were consequences. Oh, you think it’s funny to splash water from the bathtub onto the floor? Instead of calmly explaining why that’s a no-go, you’ll now be going to bed earlier. How about that?
Privileges disappeared, toys were removed, and TV time was cut off repeatedly. I had found my inner “tough love” mom.
Becoming this stricter version of myself was not something I relished. I didn’t want to be a mom who dished out consequences like a vending machine. Yet, I realized that my previous leniency had to end to curb the entitled behavior my kids had developed. I had to decide: would I raise kids who struggled to make friends because of their behavior or kids who understood that there were boundaries?
Admitting I had been a permissive parent was tough. I genuinely believed I was doing what was best for them, but the reality was different. I was potentially hindering their growth by being overly patient. Owning up to being wrong is never easy, and shifting to a stricter approach has its challenges. But knowing that I wasn’t giving them the best foundation was even harder to bear.
I chose to adjust my behavior in hopes of positively influencing theirs. We are still navigating this new chapter together. I am gaining confidence in enforcing rules, and they are learning to value respect—for me, our home, and their belongings. Nowadays, when I lay out the consequences, they take me seriously. While there are certainly moments when they may not like me as much, those morning cuddles assure me that they still love me. That’s a sign that I’m making progress.
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In summary, my journey from a lenient to a tougher mom has been eye-opening. It’s about finding a balance that fosters mutual respect and understanding. We’re all still learning, but I am optimistic about where this path will lead us.