It’s a familiar refrain: “You have to share!” This message has been ingrained in us since childhood, but is it truly necessary to enforce sharing at every turn? Are we considering the implications of this teaching, or are we merely echoing what we were told as kids?
Last week, Sarah Miller took her son, Ethan, to the park where he had brought a few action figures to play with a friend. Upon arrival, a group of children approached Ethan, insisting he let them use his toys. Feeling overwhelmed, Ethan looked to his mom for guidance. Sarah took to Facebook to share her thoughts, which should be essential reading for every parent.
“MY CHILD IS NOT OBLIGATED TO SHARE WITH YOURS,” she stated emphatically in her post. And yes, the capitalization is crucial.
Sarah recounted how Ethan was surrounded by several children demanding his toys. When he hesitated, she reassured him, “You can say no, Ethan. Just tell them no.” Once he did, the other kids rushed to tell her that her son wasn’t sharing. Sarah calmly replied, “He doesn’t have to share with you. If he wants to share, he will.”
Understandably, this drew some disapproving looks from nearby parents. However, her reasoning is compelling: “If I, as an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share it with strangers? Absolutely not! Would any polite adult simply take my sandwich and expect me to be okay with it? No way!”
So, when parents give dirty looks to those like Sarah, one must wonder: who’s lacking manners here? Is it the child who wishes to keep his few toys, or the group insisting on taking something that isn’t theirs, despite the evident discomfort of the owner?
Indeed, while teaching children to share is important, the lesson isn’t about sacrificing everything all the time. Just because one child desires to play with something another has, doesn’t mean the latter must relinquish it. As adults, we wouldn’t give up our favorite cafe table just because someone else wishes they could sit there.
“The goal should be to equip our children to thrive as adults,” Sarah notes. “While some adults may struggle with sharing, many more grapple with saying no, setting boundaries, and practicing self-care, including myself.”
This resonates deeply. A lack of boundaries is a common issue for many of us, as is the inability to say “no.” Are we inadvertently teaching our kids to place their needs last? There’s a significant difference between a child who refuses to share entirely and one who simply isn’t ready to part with a cherished toy.
“The next time your child complains that another isn’t sharing, remember: we don’t live in a society where giving up everything we own to others just because they want it is practical. I won’t raise my child to believe that’s how it works,” Sarah concluded, and neither should we.
In conclusion, while sharing is an important value, it’s equally essential to instill in our children the ability to set boundaries and prioritize their own feelings and needs. For further insights on parenting and family dynamics, you might find this article on thinking about fertility treatments helpful.