Imagine a scenario where a divorced couple cheers together at their child’s soccer game. Sounds ideal, right? But for many of us, that’s not the reality. I don’t have a photo of my ex and me at any of our kids’ events because we never shared those moments together—not for lack of caring, but because our relationship is strictly co-parenting.
In recent years, our social media feeds have been filled with uplifting images of divorced parents putting aside their differences to show their children unity. While these displays are heartwarming and serve as inspiration for those adjusting to life after separation, they can also create feelings of inadequacy for those of us who don’t share such a bond.
Comments beneath these posts often echo sentiments like:
- “Aw, those kids are lucky!”
- “That’s how it should be for all divorced couples!”
- “If only everyone could set aside their differences!”
- “This is what happens when people take the high road!”
- “It’s unfortunate some divorced parents can’t see beyond their issues.”
If you find yourself in the same boat as me, you might be thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” The answer is simple: nothing at all.
The irony is that many of those who criticize our lack of friendship with an ex are armchair experts who believe they know the best way to navigate post-divorce parenting. But remember, only you know what works for you and your family.
For some, that means keeping interactions with an ex to a minimum—perhaps only communicating through texts or emails. It can mean celebrating holidays and birthdays with the kids, but not with the ex. It’s about maintaining a civil relationship that prioritizes the well-being of the children without blending personal lives.
Judgments about how someone copes with post-divorce parenting are often misguided. Unless your actions directly harm your children—like speaking negatively about the ex in front of them or using them as bargaining chips—there’s no reason for anyone to criticize your approach. It’s important to show your children that actions have consequences, and if someone has hurt you, choosing not to remain friends can be a healthy boundary.
Some people manage amicable splits, making the transition easier and allowing for friendships to continue. But for others, the experience can be tumultuous, leaving emotional scars that make it difficult to maintain a friendship. Regardless of the circumstances, both scenarios can be beneficial for the children involved.
We often see the picture-perfect family dynamic highlighted in media, but it’s crucial to recognize that those who don’t fit that mold are doing just fine too. If you identify more with a civil relationship than a friendly one, that’s perfectly acceptable. It’s vital for your children to understand that healthy boundaries are important, and they can learn valuable lessons from seeing you prioritize self-care and respect.
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In summary, whether you’re on friendly terms with your ex or have opted for a more business-like relationship, both paths can lead to a healthy co-parenting dynamic. Your family’s well-being is what matters most, and there’s no single “right” way to navigate this journey.