My little girl is about to celebrate her second birthday next month. When my son turned two, I was in the best shape of my life. I was exercising regularly—sometimes even twice a day—because it felt invigorating. My diet was balanced, with healthy eating and the occasional treat. Before becoming a mom, I never really led an active lifestyle.
After my son arrived, I experienced cycles of dieting and exercise, managing to shed some of the 50 pounds I gained during my first pregnancy. At around 18 months, everything clicked into place, and I finally felt like I was reclaiming my routine.
On my son’s second birthday, I took a pregnancy test, and to my surprise, I was already two weeks along. Initially, my husband and I envisioned spacing our children two to three years apart, thinking that once one was out of diapers, it would be time for another. Fast forward to now, and while we are eager for a third child, I’ve decided to postpone pregnancy for at least another year until I lose the weight I gained during my second pregnancy.
So far, that weight hasn’t budged.
Some might see this as superficial—perhaps it is—but it matters to me. I long to regain the confidence and energy I had when my son was a toddler. After having him, I felt more content with my body than I ever did before motherhood. Body positivity has never come easily to me, nor have I had a healthy relationship with food—except during that blissful period when I found a routine that worked for our family.
I gained 40 pounds during my last pregnancy and have fluctuated between losing and regaining it multiple times over the past two years. My biggest challenge has been prioritizing my well-being while managing a household and caring for two kids. There are definitely hours in my day and opportunities to change my habits, but the relentless list of tasks—errands, chores, and cooking—often pushes my needs to the bottom of the priority list.
This time around has been different. I was enjoying running and eating healthier until I took a tumble down the stairs, which left me with a painful hematoma on my hip, making even walking a struggle. Grocery shopping became a distant memory. Then came the frequent migraines. Just as I would establish a routine, a migraine would derail my efforts for days on end. The cycle of starting and stopping has been demoralizing.
A lot of it comes down to energy. I often feel exhausted. Yet exercise typically boosts my energy levels, creating a frustrating cycle. Food also plays a role; turning to snacks in times of stress is an easy habit to fall into. I might indulge on a tough day and think about doing better tomorrow, but tomorrow always seems to get postponed.
I refuse to become pregnant again before I lose this weight, and I want to maintain that loss long enough to feel confident about not slipping back into old patterns. Right now, when I look in the mirror, I see someone I don’t recognize. She’s frustrated, unhappy, and not taking action. I refuse to feel this way in my own skin again, and I certainly don’t want to feel even worse by adding another pregnancy to the mix right now.
Both my husband and I are excited about adding another little one to our family. I’m ready in every other aspect of my life, making it incredibly frustrating that my weight is holding me back from something I genuinely desire. Prioritizing my well-being—like, really making it a top priority—is no small feat, but it’s essential. I’m gradually re-establishing a routine and being extra cautious on the stairs. I want to look in the mirror and see the person I know is there. I’m eager to return to the journey of baby-making, but for now, I need to focus on myself.
For those navigating similar challenges, you can find more helpful resources on pregnancy and home insemination at the CDC here, and explore options for your fertility journey at Make a Mom. Additionally, if you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, visit our post here.
In summary, while the desire for another child grows stronger, I’m committed to prioritizing my health and well-being before taking that next step into pregnancy again.