After a long day at work, I returned home to find my wife, Sarah, in the thick of the evening rush. We hadn’t exchanged a kiss yet, which was unusual for us. With three kids under 10, however, the chaos often takes precedence. Dinner was simmering on the stove, while our youngest, a messy toddler in a onesie, clung to Sarah’s leg, crying for attention. At the dining table, my two oldest, Lucas and Emma, were in a heated debate over math homework, with Lucas desperately trying to help Emma, who only wanted their mom.
This is what home often looks like for us: a whirlwind of activity. Just the other day, I came across a series of paintings on Bored Panda that illustrated couples in love. Most featured tender moments of affection, like a woman reaching for vegetables while her partner embraced her from behind. It’s hard not to feel nostalgic when seeing images like that, reminding me of the intimate moments Sarah and I have shared over our 13 years together. Yet, when the kids are running wild, the scene is far from picturesque. Instead of romance, it can feel like a business partnership, with Sarah giving me that look—the one that says, “I need help.”
As much as I yearn to pull her close and share a kiss, when the kids are in full swing, there’s little time for sentimentality. I dropped my bag and quickly changed our youngest, all while mediating the argument between Lucas and Emma, like I was defusing a bomb on a phone call. Sarah continued cooking, and after dinner, we worked together to set the table, finally sitting down as a family to eat.
Throughout the evening, conversation was sparse. We didn’t check in on each other’s days or share any physical affection. We were in “get it done” mode. After years of parenting, we’ve learned how to collaborate effectively to manage our home. Though it may not seem romantic, there’s a unique beauty in knowing that we are in this together.
Many might view these moments as a sign of complacency, believing the spark has faded. But I see it differently; it’s a testament to our love, the reality of sharing life and raising children together. Marriage and parenting are rewarding, yet they don’t always resemble a fairy tale. Sometimes, they resemble business partners dividing responsibilities or tackling issues simultaneously. Other times, it’s about appreciating the beauty in each other, even if one of us didn’t have time to dress up that day.
This doesn’t mean we should settle for a lack of romance. We shouldn’t abandon kisses, cuddles, or the spark that brought us together. Instead, we should take a moment to recognize that amidst the chaos, we’ve found a partner willing to navigate the challenging journey of parenting with us. There is so much beauty in that.
Once the kids were tucked in, and the dishes washed, I called out to Sarah, “You haven’t kissed me.” She turned around with a playful grin and replied, “You haven’t kissed me!” We shared a moment, lingering in each other’s gaze before finally closing the distance for a kiss. For a fleeting second, we resembled the couple in those paintings. Just then, we heard a door creak open. Our toddler had emerged from her room, and without a word, I let go of Sarah, scooped her up, and returned her to bed. The romance would have to wait—for now.
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Summary
Parenting can sometimes make marriage feel more like a partnership than a romance. In the chaos of caring for three young children, moments of intimacy can be rare. Yet, through teamwork and understanding, couples can navigate the complexities of family life while still appreciating the beauty of their partnership.