“Wait, you really knew? And you still went ahead with it?” I felt a bit uneasy as I stood there talking to my new acquaintance. “Well, wouldn’t you do the same if it were your child?” I replied, watching her reaction closely.
Just as I anticipated, she took a deep breath and exclaimed, “You and your partner are absolute heroes!” It was a familiar refrain I had heard countless times over the past year.
She was referring to our decision to adopt Mia, a beautiful 5-year-old girl from Armenia. Mia was born with spina bifida, hydrocephalus, and congenital scoliosis, among other challenges. She is unable to stand or walk and requires around-the-clock medical assistance.
My partner Alex and I are relatively young, well-educated, and come from a comfortable background. As part of a military family, we often find ourselves far from relatives, frequently relocating, and dealing with deployments that can last for months. We enjoy staying active together, with Alex even dreaming of competing on an obstacle course show someday! The adoption process, however, drained our savings and added to our already busy lives with three children aged 3 to 8. We knew what we were getting into with Mia’s medical conditions, and we felt the weight of that commitment.
Because of this, we often receive incredulous looks and praise when people hear our story. They seem unable to comprehend why we would choose this path, and I should be accustomed to it by now, having witnessed my own parents receive similar accolades when they adopted my siblings. But I’m not.
Let’s be clear: Alex and I are not perfect. We have our share of flaws. We argue about parenting styles, occasionally lose our tempers, and sometimes forget to get insurance approvals for Mia’s medical appointments. Her charm doesn’t always make up for our moments of impatience. We had never adopted before, and we were complete novices when it came to spina bifida.
Additionally, we experienced fear throughout the adoption journey. While we both felt a deep connection to Mia from the start, that didn’t mean the process was easy.
The truth is, we are imperfect beings, just like everyone else. Saying yes to adopting Mia, despite our fears, was a decision we made together. We knew that retreating and letting fear dictate our choices would haunt us far more than any misstep we could make along the way with Mia.
What’s troubling is that when people label us as heroes, they often give themselves an excuse to step back. This mindset reinforces the idea that only extraordinary people can make such choices, leaving others to think, “Well, I’m no hero, so I guess I can’t do that.”
In reality, anyone can choose to take that leap of faith. By viewing us as heroes, they inadvertently close the door on their own potential and on the possibility of welcoming a child into their lives who could bring immeasurable joy.
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In summary, while we appreciate the kind words, please don’t label us as heroes for our decision to adopt Mia. Rather, let’s embrace the idea that anyone can step forward and make a difference in a child’s life. We are all capable of love and commitment, and sometimes, the most meaningful journeys begin when we confront our fears.