Let’s get real for a moment: I’ve had my fair share of battles with Judgy Mom Syndrome. As someone who typically champions a “live and let live” approach, parenting surprisingly thrust me into a harsh world where I felt scrutinized from every angle, leading me to perpetuate the very culture I despised. After twenty months of parenting, I’ve gained insight into my transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s a look at how that journey unfolded:
Step 1: Engage in a Parenting Choice Open to Critique
In my case, co-sleeping became the focal point. I left birthing classes and the hospital with a brochure warning me about the perils of sharing a bed with an infant. I never planned to co-sleep; I had splurged on a fancy bassinet that boasted a swivel feature, soothing vibrations, and gentle lullabies.
But after nights filled with terror over SIDS and suffocation risks, my attempts to use the bassinet were thwarted by my baby’s frequent awakenings. In desperation, I began bringing him into bed with me, nursing him back to sleep. Initially, I would return him to his bassinet after nursing, but soon, we both fell asleep together. It was convenient, and it suited our needs—despite my fears of judgment.
Step 2: Seek Out Like-Minded Mom Groups
In search of affirmation, I dove into online groups dedicated to co-sleeping, discovering countless mothers who shared my struggles and choices. It felt comforting to connect with others who understood, but soon, the discussions took a turn. What started as supportive conversations morphed into a chorus of judgment against parents who didn’t co-sleep, with comments insinuating that those who chose otherwise were somehow disconnected from their children.
Over time, I found myself surrounded by a community that reinforced my beliefs and made me feel like I was on a moral high ground. I began to see co-sleeping as the only responsible choice, armed with articles and studies that supported my stance.
Step 3: Embrace Your New Identity
I became an outspoken advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended breastfeeding. I felt it was my mission to educate others on what I believed was the “right” way to parent. As I defended my choices, I often disregarded the fact that other parents might be doing what worked for their families.
This mindset led to a narrow view of parenting, where anyone outside of my bubble was deemed to be “doing it wrong.” I was so entrenched in my beliefs that I failed to see the diverse landscape of parenting styles.
Step 4: A Moment of Clarity
Things took a turn when my son, Leo, turned six months old. Co-sleeping was no longer a blissful experience; my back ached from the awkward positions, and my sleep was constantly interrupted. I also noticed that my relationship with my partner was suffering due to the lack of alone time.
Desperate for change, I sought support from groups focused on transitioning babies into their own cribs, but found that many of my existing advocacy beliefs conflicted with this new direction. The dread of judgment loomed over me, and I realized that no parent intends to harm their child through their choices. The overwhelming pressure to conform left me feeling like a hypocrite.
Step 5: Finding Healing and Community
Fortunately, I discovered a supportive mom group that prioritized non-judgment. This community encouraged sharing personal experiences over clinical studies, allowing for a more compassionate dialogue. Everyone had unique circumstances and parenting styles, and we all bonded over the love we had for our children.
I made a conscious effort to curate my social media experience, unfollowing groups that perpetuated negativity. I embraced a balanced approach to parenting: I breastfed Leo, weaned him at 13 months, co-slept but also sleep-trained, and utilized daycare at times. My parenting choices became about what worked best for us, rather than what was deemed “right” by others.
It’s essential to trust each mother to make the best choices for her family without the burden of judgment. After all, parenting is a personal journey, and we all deserve support rather than criticism.
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Summary:
This journey reflects the common struggle many parents face with societal judgment around their choices. By recognizing the pressures of parenting and finding supportive communities, we can navigate our unique paths without feeling the need to conform to external opinions. It’s essential to embrace our individual styles and support one another in the diverse world of parenting.