Whenever the subject of breastfeeding past the age of one comes up, there’s always someone who insists, “I believe that after [insert desired age], it’s more about the mother’s needs than the child’s.” This statement often leads to chuckles among mothers who’ve breastfed toddlers or preschoolers.
I nursed all three of my children until they were just over three years old. I never intended to breastfeed for that duration; my philosophy was simply to let them decide when they were ready to stop. Growing up with a mother who was a La Leche League leader and later a lactation consultant, I had a solid understanding of the benefits of extended breastfeeding. My own mother shared that she breastfed me until I was 2.5, and I watched my younger brother nurse until he was in preschool. I was well aware of the World Health Organization’s recommendation to breastfeed for at least two years, so breastfeeding beyond the first year felt completely normal to me.
When I began nursing, I didn’t establish a specific timeline. However, I hadn’t anticipated nursing a three-year-old until I found myself in that situation. The thing about breastfeeding a toddler is that it’s not like you jump straight into nursing a three-year-old; you begin with a newborn and they gradually grow. As they get older, the frequency of nursing typically decreases, often reducing to just once or twice a day. There’s no sudden moment when it becomes uncomfortable. Occasionally it could be tiring, but never bizarre.
I often find it challenging to understand the reasoning behind the idea that breastfeeding past a year is more for the mother than the child. From my experience, most moms who practice child-led weaning were ready to stop before their little ones were. I personally felt ready to wean my kids around the age of two; however, they were very attached to nursing, especially at bedtime. Abruptly stopping would have been akin to removing a cherished blanket from a child. I didn’t want to cause unnecessary distress by forcing them to wean before they were ready.
In truth, we were already in the process of weaning. Once my babies started eating solid foods, we began the gradual transition. It was a slow journey, partly led by my children and partly by me. Initially, I stopped offering to nurse and only responded when they asked. Then, I started to gently distract them when they requested to nurse, which sometimes worked and other times didn’t. Eventually, I established guidelines for when and where nursing would occur, like “We can only nurse at home” or “Only at bedtime, remember?”
This process unfolded over several years, with new boundaries introduced at each stage to help my children adjust. By the end of it, they were only nursing first thing in the morning. This gentle weaning approach was a gradual transition, not a sudden withdrawal.
Throughout this journey, I never once thought, “Wow, I really want to breastfeed right now.” Sure, in the early days, when I was engorged, there was a need to nurse to relieve discomfort. However, after that, breastfeeding was never about my desires.
Those who claim that mothers who breastfeed past a year do so for their own needs clearly haven’t nursed a toddler. We all know how demanding toddlers can be; imagine that level of intensity directed toward nursing! While nursing can create sweet bonding moments, the determination of a toddler is real. I didn’t dislike it, but it wasn’t purely delightful either. Nevertheless, since research indicates that continued nursing beyond a year has no negative effects and breast milk remains beneficial for as long as a child nurses, I opted to let my kids wean at their own pace.
So, to clarify, I didn’t breastfeed my kids beyond infancy to cling to their youth, seek validation, or for any personal gratification. The notion that a mother would continue breastfeeding solely for her own benefit is not just misguided; it’s unsettling. Such assumptions can verge on inappropriate, and I find them quite offensive.
I truly don’t grasp why some feel compelled to make such distasteful assumptions about experiences outside their own. I can understand how the idea of a toddler or preschooler nursing might seem unusual to those who haven’t experienced it, but being unfamiliar doesn’t equate to being wrong or unhealthy.
To anyone who’s curious, please heed the voices of the many mothers who have nursed past the age of one. We assure you, there’s nothing strange or self-serving about it. It’s simply a gradual weaning process that countless women around the globe have practiced throughout history.
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In summary, breastfeeding beyond the age of one is an approach embraced by many mothers who recognize the benefits for their children. It’s a natural, gradual process that should be respected rather than scrutinized.