When fellow parents start sharing their baby sleep triumphs, I often find myself thinking of the unwritten rules of our parenting community. Sure, you may just be sharing your joy about your little one sleeping through the night, and I get it—you’ve put in a ton of effort. It’s wonderful that you have evenings to yourself and that you want to help others. But here’s the catch: let’s agree to avoid the topic of sleep, shall we? It’s a rule that keeps our conversations drama-free and enjoyable.
Sleep, especially when it comes to babies, is a subject that sparks a myriad of opinions, and too many people are eager to share theirs. I vividly remember the moment I was asked about my newborn’s sleep patterns while still adjusting to motherhood. I replied, honestly, “Oh, he wakes up every hour.” Rookie mistake! That kind of honesty invites a flood of unsolicited advice.
- “You need to fix that.”
- “Are you co-sleeping?”
- “Try co-sleeping!”
- “Get him in his own room.”
- “Put him on his belly.”
- “Make sure you’re not putting him on his belly!”
- “You need to let him cry.”
- “You absolutely must let him cry.”
As a mom of three kids, each with their unique sleep habits, I now know how to sift through the advice or simply ignore it. But as a new mom, I was desperate for solutions, believing that any piece of advice could be the key to my baby sleeping peacefully.
I was utterly exhausted, juggling nursing every two hours with a baby who only slept when cradled in my arms, bouncing on an exercise ball. I had already tried co-sleeping, babywearing, nursing on demand, and all the recommended routines. I even read books on gentle sleep training, but my little guy was determined to stay awake.
The one piece of advice I hadn’t yet attempted? Let him cry it out. Friends of mine eagerly anticipated the day they would start sleep training, and I wanted to be one of them. I told my husband and family I was going to do it, and even discussed it with other parents at the park. But when the moment arrived, I couldn’t bring myself to follow through. I felt like a total failure.
Months later, on a rare outing with friends, I nervously left my baby with my husband for a few hours. I imagined their afternoon would mirror mine, full of chaos and cuddles. Imagine my surprise when I received a text saying, “The baby is asleep in his crib.” I felt a rush of happiness until he added, “He only cried for about 20 minutes.”
Suddenly, guilt and frustration washed over me. My husband had let our son cry it out! I had changed my mind about that approach and hadn’t been there to support him emotionally. I worried my baby had suffered, but the truth is, he survived, as did my husband. I realized sleep training wasn’t for us, and that was okay.
Parenting is a rollercoaster of emotions. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, whether it comes to feeding or soothing a baby. So please, let’s keep our sleep strategies to ourselves. My firstborn, the one who made me a mom, is turning five soon, and since then, I’ve had two more children. One of them thrived in his crib, while the other naps wherever she can and often ends up cuddled up with us at night. They have their share of nighttime awakenings, but we find our rhythm as a family.
In our home, sleep looks different, and that’s perfectly fine. I still feel tired, and there are moments I wonder if I could have let them cry it out for quicker results. But overall, I’ve embraced our unique sleep journey. This is how we parent, and I love it. And honestly, I’ll never know if you feel the same, because we don’t discuss sleep.
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Summary:
In the world of parenting, discussing baby sleep is often fraught with unsolicited advice and differing opinions. As a mother of three, I’ve learned to navigate this topic cautiously. Each child has their own sleep patterns and needs, and I’ve come to embrace our unique approach. Parenting isn’t about fitting into a mold; it’s about finding what works for our family, even if it means ignoring the sleep conversation altogether.