As I apologize to my young babysitter, I can’t help but laugh at the situation. It’s 2:45 PM, and I had promised to pick him up at 3:00. “Don’t worry about it,” he reassures me. But I explain, “I have ADHD, so I either run the risk of being late and rushing, or I overcompensate by arriving super early. I was aiming to be 25 minutes early, but I drove around a bit.”
My sons in the backseat roll their eyes, fully aware that this is just another day in our household. Sometimes, we arrive at our homeschool co-op half an hour ahead of schedule. I toss the kids in the car, but halfway down the road, I do the math, realize how early we’ll be, and take a ridiculously long detour. We sing along to The Beatles as we go. Not too bad, really, just another delay in our already chaotic lives.
Being an ADHD mom often feels like a race against time. Even with medication, I struggle with basic tasks that others seem to accomplish without a second thought. Take laundry, for example. My hampers are empty while clean clothes pile up in baskets throughout the kitchen. I’ve given up on folding and putting everything away; now, I just sort clothes into individual baskets. It should take no more than 10 minutes to tackle one basket, but with 12 loads waiting, it turns into a monumental event. By the end of the day, I’m too exhausted to face it, and the laundry sits there, silently mocking me.
My husband shares my ADHD tendencies and treats the dishes similarly. We kindly ask guests to avoid our kitchen. Our eldest son, Max, also has ADHD, which means he often misplaces his belongings. His backpack frequently gets left behind at co-op, church, or brunch. We find ourselves making trips to retrieve that worn-out Star Wars bag. Luckily, I’m glued to my phone—another ADHD quirk—so I usually don’t misplace it. However, toys get forgotten at the playground, and we often leave lunches at home, resorting to fast food instead. Something always goes missing, and while it’s no biggie when it’s a toy, it becomes concerning when it’s something crucial like an EpiPen.
Rituals help us manage our day. I have to take my medication first thing in the morning or risk forgetting. Coffee is a must before we start school, which follows a strict routine: reading, math, social studies, writing, and science, with lunch at noon. We navigate Target in a specific order to ensure we don’t forget anything; deviations from the layout of our usual store are simply not acceptable.
Then there’s hyperfocus, a double-edged sword. It allows me to immerse myself in writing while my kids bounce around on our brand-new couches. I’m only vaguely aware of the chaos until someone cries. You can’t get my son’s attention when he’s absorbed in Ninjago; you have to physically touch him to break his concentration.
Today, both Max and I were so engrossed in reading that we missed the younger kids turning the bathroom into a water park with a diaper sprayer. They claimed they were trying to get rid of ants, but really, they just wanted to create a mess. They know that when we’re focused, they can sneak away with their antics because we tune them out as a coping mechanism.
Being a mom with ADHD often means being perpetually late or absurdly early. It’s forgetting essential items like wipes, paper towels, or even lunch; my husband has to rush to the doctor’s office with the credit card I forgot on the desk while I’m in the middle of an appointment. Our car resembles a mobile trash can, filled with everything but the kitchen sink, and we always postpone cleaning it until tomorrow. Someone is always handing me my son’s coat or artwork, and we regularly lose library books. I don’t notice glitter glue spills until it’s too late.
But at the end of the day, being an ADHD mom is still about motherhood. It may be amplified, messier, and more public, but the struggles are universal. We embrace the chaos and the enforced routines, and despite the disorganization, we find joy in our lives. This is our beautiful, chaotic existence, and we’re living it to the fullest, even if it means hyperfocusing on tasks at hand.
If you’re interested in more about managing motherhood and the complexities of home insemination, check out this insightful post on intracervical insemination. For those looking for tools, consider visiting Make a Mom, an authority on the at-home insemination kit. And for further understanding of infertility, the CDC provides excellent resources.
Summary
Navigating motherhood with ADHD brings its own unique set of challenges, from chaotic schedules to misplaced belongings. Despite the struggles, these moms find joy in their routines and embrace their beautifully messy lives. It’s all part of the journey, shared with their children in a world that’s both hectic and fulfilling.