Last Thursday, I kicked off the day by whipping up scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two little ones. At 4 and almost 2, this breakfast is quick to prepare and a hit with them. I don’t often serve cereal—not because of the sugar, but because my youngest finds pure joy in turning her bowl upside down. I’d rather deal with a pan and cutting board than mop up a cereal milk mess and give her an extra bath.
While the kids enjoyed their breakfast, I tidied up the house, collecting dirty towels and swapping them for fresh ones. Then, I eagerly awaited a knock at the door. You see, I recently wrote about hiring a housekeeper, and Thursday marked her first day. Typically, Thursdays are my major cleaning days, but this week, a lovely woman came in to tackle the heavy lifting. I made sure things were in order, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were finally off my to-do list. I was ready to hand over the reins.
She will be coming every two weeks, and it’s already a tremendous relief. I now know that regardless of how hectic or challenging life gets, I can reset my space every two weeks.
As our new housekeeper got to work, I sat down to color with my son while we waited for my daughter to wake from her nap. The following morning, I wasn’t drained from juggling deep cleaning and parenting. I didn’t feel frustrated about unfinished tasks. It was one of the most pleasant Fridays I could remember, smooth and effortless.
We were heading out for a family wedding that weekend, and instead of stressing over a messy home, I focused on packing. My family left on time for our road trip, which, believe me, is a rarity. Usually, I’m a bundle of nerves before traveling, but not this time.
Most changes take time to evaluate, but it was clear that hiring a housekeeper was the right decision for my family. When I initially shared my experience, I received mostly positive feedback. Many readers shared that they, too, employed housekeepers and loved it. Others expressed that if they could afford it, they would jump at the chance.
However, some took offense at my choice, suggesting that I was privileged (which I acknowledge) or even lazy. A few questioned why I would hire someone to do work I could manage myself—this lingering idea of “women’s work.” Many of these critics seem perplexed by a woman who, unhappy with her circumstances and able to change them, actually does so.
It’s disheartening how many believe that housework is the sole domain of the parent who spends the most time at home. While it should be surprising, it isn’t. Typically, the parent who stays home is the mother, and housework is often viewed as her responsibility, even when both partners live in the same space and contribute to the mess. Even when both parents work, the mother frequently bears the majority of the household chores on top of her job.
Let’s be clear: If you’re at home caring for your children, you’re contributing to your household finances. If you’re handling errands, scheduling appointments, and managing budgets, you’re adding financial value. Childcare can be as costly as a mortgage. The myriad responsibilities that often fall on mothers are not insignificant; they are time-consuming and valuable. It’s time to stop the outdated notion that staying home means taking on every possible chore to achieve balance with a working spouse.
This idea that I’m somehow imposing a burden on my husband? He deserves more credit. He understands what I do all day because he’s spent time alone with our kids. He knows that my staying home saves us money. Hiring a housekeeper costs far less than the hours I would otherwise dedicate to cleaning and the value of what I can accomplish with that time. Most importantly, he sees me as his equal and respects my decisions on how I spend my time.
So no, I won’t be prioritizing my husband’s needs over my own. If you have a problem with that, maybe it’s you who needs to reevaluate your perspective.
And as for my “easy life”? Here’s a glimpse into my so-called nothingness: I’m currently advocating for my gifted and autistic son’s educational needs, spending hours on the phone with professionals to secure the right support for him. I’ve been busy gathering assessments and reports to send to those who can help us navigate the system. I even took a moment to snuggle him because we all need that connection.
I have a long list of tasks related to my son’s education, but right now, responding to this nonsense is taking precedence. However, I don’t have to worry about dusting the ceiling fans.
When I hired a housekeeper, my children didn’t suddenly receive a “Get Out of Chores Free” pass. They may still be learning how to handle certain tasks, but they’re old enough to help pick up their toys and assist with setting the table. They’re learning that being part of a family means contributing and making life easier for those we love. They see me cleaning regularly; it’s not a once-every-two-weeks thing. I clean throughout the day to maintain a tidy environment.
Even if I were to do absolutely nothing all day and my kids didn’t have chores, why should it concern anyone else?
What is it about an adult woman making a different choice that ruffles some feathers? Some people believe the world would be better if all mothers stayed home, maintained spotless homes, and had dinner ready when their husbands got home. They think women should live that life without complaints and, of course, cater to their husbands in every way.
Well, I believe the world would be better if random strangers online didn’t feel entitled to tell me how to manage my life or my marriage. Opinions, right?
In conclusion, choosing to hire help doesn’t diminish my role as a mother or a partner. It allows me to focus on what truly matters, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
As a final thought, if you’re interested in exploring the topic of home insemination, check out this insightful resource on intracervical insemination. For those considering family planning, Make A Mom offers excellent guidance on at-home insemination kits. Additionally, Mount Sinai has valuable resources for pregnancy and infertility.
Summary: The author reflects on the decision to hire a housekeeper and the mixed reactions it generated, emphasizing the importance of valuing contributions made in and outside of the home. She challenges outdated views on domestic responsibilities and highlights the impact of hiring help on her family life, allowing her to focus on other important matters, including advocating for her child’s education.