Have you ever found yourself pondering how often your married friends are intimate? If so, you’re not alone. Many of us are curious about the romantic lives of those around us, even if we don’t openly discuss it. This curiosity might stem from wondering if your relationship measures up to theirs, rather than considering a wild night of swinging (unless that’s your thing, and no judgment here). More likely, you’re curious if they, too, feel as exhausted as you do. And if they seem to be enjoying a more active sex life, where do they find the energy? Can someone please share their secret to maintaining a vibrant libido?
Sexual intimacy is a vital component of marriage, and a decline in physical connection can lead to self-doubt about one’s relationship. According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, sexual frequency among Americans has decreased significantly compared to previous decades, particularly among married couples. The study examined sexual habits from 1989 to 2014 and revealed that couples today are not engaging in intimacy as frequently as prior generations.
In 1990, married couples reported having sex approximately 73 times a year, but by 2014, that number had dropped to just 55 times annually. It’s not the end of the world—people are simply busier and more fatigued than ever. It’s worth noting that having sex once a week isn’t too shabby given the chaotic lives most of us lead.
The rise of dual-income households since the 1980s has changed the dynamics of family life. Both men and women are working hard, managing their children’s busy schedules, and juggling numerous responsibilities. So, if you find yourself opting for a Netflix binge over an intimate evening, take solace in knowing you’re far from alone. Sometimes, simply relaxing together, munching on snacks while watching a tear-jerking show, can set the stage for some later romance.
It’s entirely normal to have periods when intimacy takes a backseat. Life can be overwhelming, especially with the demands of parenting, leading many couples to postpone intimate moments with the promise of “later.” Perhaps using your lower libido as a reason to say “no” to other commitments could help conserve energy for your partner. Don’t hesitate to decline baking for the school sale or hosting an elaborate party. Ultimately, what matters is that you and your partner feel satisfied with your intimate life.
While some may see these trends as disheartening, it feels more like a reflection of reality. It’s common for couples to prioritize their energy elsewhere due to fatigue. Maybe it’s time to disconnect from our devices, grab an energy drink, and rediscover that spark. After all, saying “no” to the busyness of life and “yes” to intimacy could be a refreshing shift. “Sorry, Jenna, I can’t host that party because I’m prioritizing some quality time with my spouse tonight!” I’ll definitely give that a try—just not tonight; I’m too tired!
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Summary
Americans, particularly married couples, are engaging in less sexual intimacy compared to previous decades. A study highlights a significant decline in frequency, attributed to the hectic lifestyles of modern life. While some may find this concerning, it reflects the reality of busy schedules and fatigue. Prioritizing quality time and intimacy can help couples reconnect amidst the chaos.