As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame. When your child exhibits exceptional talents, like reading two grade levels ahead, you might think, “If only I had worked more on handwriting, he wouldn’t struggle so much.” This realization hit me hard when I discovered that my 7-year-old, Jake, was struggling with his lowercase letters. His writing was messy and his spelling was often unintelligible. Words like “kebak” meant “bake,” and “lvoe” was his attempt at “love.” He couldn’t even spell his last name correctly.
Determined to help, we dove into our homeschooling routine, but writing was the one subject where Jake’s frustration was palpable. He would sit at his desk with lined paper, laboring to produce just three sentences on simple topics. We tried to make it relevant to our studies in social studies or reading, brainstorming ideas together, yet it felt like an uphill battle. It was baffling to see him struggle with phonics as soon as he picked up a pencil. Just yesterday, he wrote “avokado maki rals” instead of “avocado maki rolls,” despite being able to read “the department of education.”
I began to wonder if there was a deeper issue at play. In my research, I came across terms like dysgraphia—a writing disorder—and the possibility of dyslexia. Having a diagnosis would help explain Jake’s contrast in reading and writing abilities, and provide strategies to support him moving forward. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that a label might define my gifted son as learning disabled (LD).
Jake is what experts refer to as “twice-exceptional”—gifted children who also face learning difficulties. I had already navigated the emotional landscape of his ADHD diagnosis, which mirrored challenges my husband and I faced. I understood the difficulties associated with attention issues, social interactions, and the propensity for hyperfocusing. My husband also deals with a learning disability, dyscalculia, which complicates even simple math tasks. Thankfully, technology helps us manage our finances.
My heart aches at the thought of how this diagnosis might shape Jake’s future. While I can implement strategies to assist him with writing, I fear he may never find joy in it. The process of translating thoughts into written words could become a burden rather than a joy. I don’t want him to struggle in a world where writing is often essential.
Jake is acutely aware of his differences. He attends a homeschool co-op and sees how effortlessly his peers produce written work. We’ve explained that his brain functions differently, a concept he’s familiar with due to his ADHD. I tell him that this is why writing is more challenging for him than it is for others.
Sometimes he responds, “Maybe I just need to try harder, Mom.” It breaks my heart because I know that trying harder is not the solution. “It’s not about trying harder,” I gently explain. “It’s about trying differently. That’s why we’re pursuing an evaluation—to understand how to help you approach this in a way that works for you.”
Although Jake is anxious about the evaluation, he has already begun to adapt by asking for help with every single word he writes. His attempts still include misspellings like “rals” for “rolls” and “lvoe” for “love.” As I recognize these challenges, I feel a wave of sadness for the effort he pours into each piece of writing. The frustration he experiences is something I can only imagine.
Fortunately, the other children have yet to comment on his writing, and if they have noticed, they have kept it to themselves. The homeschooling community often fosters an environment of understanding and acceptance, which I greatly appreciate.
So, we find ourselves in a waiting game, anxiously anticipating a diagnosis. A label would empower Jake to articulate, “I have dysgraphia,” should anyone question his handwriting. It would provide us with the tools and resources necessary to support him. More importantly, it would guide me in teaching him to enjoy writing, even if his handwriting remains imperfect.
Together, we will navigate this journey. We’ll find ways to assist him, and he’ll learn how to adapt. He is resilient, and while the road ahead may be challenging, we will face it together.
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Summary
The article discusses the challenges of raising a twice-exceptional child, combining both giftedness and learning disabilities. It highlights the emotional struggles of the parent as they navigate their child’s difficulties with writing and the importance of seeking a diagnosis to better support the child’s unique learning needs.