As a mother, I prioritize the quality of my friendships over the quantity. In the realm of parenting, discussions about “self-care” frequently touch on nurturing relationships with adult friends. Most articles emphasize the importance of “girls’ nights out,” “wine gatherings,” or “catching up over coffee.” While these outings can provide a much-needed break from the daily grind of parenting—like assembling toy trains or managing art projects with crayons—they often come with their own set of challenges: they can be downright exhausting.
Let’s be honest, it can be enjoyable to dress up and spend an evening out until the clock strikes 10:30 and fatigue sets in. Sure, sharing a bottle of wine after the kids are tucked in can be fun, especially when you both laugh about the mishaps of motherhood, like discovering that half of your mascara ended up in the toilet. And yes, the Starbucks inside Target can serve as a refuge for venting frustrations, all while contemplating small gifts for your kids. However, to cultivate meaningful adult friendships, especially as a parent, it’s crucial that these relationships are based on genuine adult interactions.
The Daily Challenges of Parenting
Allow me to elaborate. As a mom, my day is largely spent uncovering the various grievances of my children. My kids often enter a room with a frown, expecting me to resolve their latest crisis, whether it’s a tantrum over bath time or a dispute about toys. Just the other night, my four-year-old cried for thirty minutes, believing I had “broken his heart” by not allowing him to eat chips that had, unfortunately, been thrown up. Yes, I was the villain in that scenario because I wouldn’t let him eat vomit-covered snacks.
There are days when my kids lounge around, emitting exasperated sighs, and I dread asking what’s wrong. Not because they’re truly suffering, but because I’m worried about losing my cool when one child complains about not earning back his screen time after a disciplinary action. In fact, early in my parenting journey, I found myself snapping at my husband for making similar noises while reading, demanding he communicate like an adult. I think my “mom voice” gave him quite a scare, as he fell silent for the rest of the evening.
Raising Future Adults
I’m in the business of raising future adults. With two, soon to be three, little ones under five, my goal is to nurture them into effective communicators. As such, I don’t have time to decode sighs or ambiguous status updates on social media. If you want to engage with me, I need you to speak plainly and directly.
This isn’t a claim that I have everything figured out. I have plenty of moments where I’m selfish or immature. However, when it comes to friendships, I require clarity. I don’t want to hunt for hidden meanings or read between the lines; my energy is limited, and I choose to invest it wisely.
The Joy of Selective Friendships
One of the greatest joys of growing older is the freedom to choose where to direct my energy. I’ve had conversations with incredible women who share this sentiment—we cherish certain friendships without the pressure to maintain every single one. It’s liberating to be honest about who we want to connect with.
Honesty in friendships means being able to relax in each other’s presence, whether that’s sharing pizza and a movie with kids in tow or using my shirt as a makeshift spit-up rag without hesitation. It’s about knowing when I need someone to sit with me during a chaotic moment, versus when I need a helping hand with the dishes because I haven’t seen my countertop since 2013. It’s understanding that wine night can happen in the afternoon, and having the trust to suggest when maybe it’s time to reconsider how often those gatherings occur.
Craving Uncomplicated Friendships
Now that I’m a mom, I crave friendships that are uncomplicated and devoid of drama. I want to be there for both the monumental and mundane moments without the need for explanations. I want to offer apologies when necessary and to genuinely forgive and move forward, all while acting like the adults we are.
Resources for Further Exploration
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Conclusion
In summary, as a mother, I find immense value in the quality of my friendships. The right connections foster mutual support and understanding, allowing us to navigate the complexities of parenthood together.