Most of my interactions with my kids kick off something like this:
Me: “Hey there, sweetie, could you please go brush your teeth?”
Silence.
Me, growing more impatient: “Hey! Go brush your teeth!”
Still nothing.
Me, on the verge of losing it: “This is your last warning! Teeth. NOW!”
Nothing.
Me, nearly at my wits’ end: “HEY! IT’S TIME TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH RIGHT NOW!”
Nada.
Husband: “Did you hear your mom? Go brush your teeth.”
Suddenly, tiny feet scurry off to the bathroom, and I’m left feeling completely baffled, a bit thankful, and incredibly frustrated.
What in the world? Why is it that my children seem incapable of hearing me? And why do they respond to their dad while I’m left talking to a wall? It’s as if I’m a stand-up comic testing the mic — “Hello? Is this thing on?” Sometimes, I wonder if my words get scrambled before they leave my mouth, or if I’ve somehow developed a frequency that only dogs can hear. Maybe I’m just channeling the teacher from the Peanuts cartoons, mumbling away with my “whah-whah-whah” sound.
With my kids suffering from what I like to call Selective Listening Syndrome, it’s no wonder I find myself yelling so often. They seem to only register my voice when it’s loud enough to scare the dogs away. A gentle reminder? Crickets. A tap on the shoulder? Sometimes, but not always. If I didn’t occasionally raise my voice and emphasize my requests, we’d never get anything accomplished.
It’s hard not to take their lack of listening personally, but I suspect I’m not alone in this battle. Perhaps the issue lies not with me but with them. After all, kids often have a reputation for tuning out their parents, and studies suggest that boys, in particular, may struggle more with hearing women’s voices. Research indicates that males engage a different part of the brain to process female speech, which is more intricate than decoding a male voice.
So, maybe I should start singing everything instead. I may or may not have serenaded my kids with modified lyrics to “Let It Go” like “Get your shoes, we need to go, we are late, we are late.”
I’ve heard of moms who manage to quit yelling and get their kids to listen at normal volumes, and honestly, it leaves me more puzzled than ever. Who are these magical beings whose children respond to them calmly? And what’s going on with my kids who only seem to hear me when I’m practically shouting?
I’m not looking for answers, so please spare me the suggestions about whispering, giving warnings, or getting down to their level. I’ve heard it all, thank you very much. In the grand scheme, my kids are great; they’re not rude or mean-spirited — they just get caught up in their activities and sometimes zone out my voice.
And there’s nothing wrong with either of us. We’re just moms trying to navigate this journey together. Sometimes, we just need to vent about our shared experiences, right?
Interestingly, this Selective Listening Syndrome doesn’t just apply to requests like picking up their shoes or taking a shower. They also seem to miss my inquiries about things they might actually want. “Who wants breakfast?” Silence. “What do you want to drink?” Nothing. “Anyone up for a cookie?” Okay, maybe I’m glad they don’t always catch that last one.
Now that I think about it, maybe this Selective Listening Syndrome isn’t all bad. Grumbling under my breath while enjoying a Kit Kat bar is a lot more entertaining when no one is paying attention.
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Summary:
Navigating the challenges of parenting often leads to moments of frustration, especially when it feels like kids have selective hearing. It’s a common struggle many parents face, particularly when trying to communicate important tasks. Understanding that this behavior is typical for children may help alleviate some of the stress. Sometimes, it’s all about venting and knowing you’re not alone in this journey.