It’s 7:58 a.m., and the frantic morning scramble to get out the door for school has finally subsided. I venture back to the kitchen to assess the aftermath: coffee stains, splatters of milk, and a variety of crumbs spread across the counter. Soggy cereal lingers in one bowl, while remnants of oatmeal cling stubbornly to another. Meanwhile, my dog eagerly hopes for a taste of the neglected scrambled eggs left behind by my youngest child. Amidst this chaos lies my teenager’s forgotten lunch.
I send a quick text to my daughter:
“Hey, you forgot your lunch.”
“Oops, sorry! Can you bring it?”
After a brief check of my schedule, I let her know I can drop it off at the front desk shortly. “Thanks, Mom!” she replies without missing a beat. I respond with a kissy face emoji, gather the dirty dishes into the sink, wipe the counters, and carry on with my day.
Although I now have to make an unexpected trip to her school, I genuinely don’t mind. In fact, I’m happy to help my teen, despite the warnings that I’m preventing her from learning how to be a real adult by rescuing her from her own mistakes.
Honestly, this advice is just plain ridiculous. I’m exhausted by the parenting “experts” who claim I’m sabotaging my teenager’s journey into adulthood. If I’m too supportive, apparently, I’m not setting enough boundaries. By doing her laundry, I’m supposedly depriving her of critical life skills. And forget delivering her lunch—how will she ever cope if she doesn’t experience a grumbling stomach?
I believe there’s more than one way to prepare our children for life outside the home. Sure, we want to raise responsible, self-sufficient kids, and I agree that facing the consequences of their actions is important. However, leaving my daughter without her lunch sends a message that I’m unavailable when she needs assistance, and that’s not something I’m willing to endorse.
Self-sufficiency and accountability are essential; I recognize that. Young adults need to master basic skills like waking up on time, managing their schedules, and maintaining personal hygiene—just to name a few. On top of that, teenagers face their own unique challenges. My daughter juggles long school days with sports practices and a mountain of homework. She navigates technology for both school and social life, and she often turns off her phone before bedtime because she’s simply too worn out to stay connected.
Now, before you think I’m painting a picture of a perfect teenager, let me clarify: she can be quite demanding. When her soccer jersey isn’t clean for a game or we run out of her favorite cereal, the blame falls squarely on me for not doing laundry or grocery shopping. In these moments, I remind her that she’s perfectly capable of sorting clothes, using detergent, and pressing a few buttons—and that there are plenty of breakfast options available.
Constantly rescuing our teens from their missteps won’t do them any favors. It’s through grappling with uncomfortable situations that they discover who they are, where their strengths lie, and how they can improve. I want my kids to develop resilience, but I also want them to understand that seeking help is not a weakness. My aspiration is to raise not only capable adults but also individuals who feel loved and supported, especially when they’re making genuine efforts to keep everything in order.
I prefer to view my willingness to help as an opportunity to model kindness and understanding—qualities I hope my daughter will carry into her adulthood. Being an adult involves not just responsibility and practical skills but also recognizing when to ask for help. By giving my teen some leeway, I aim to build her confidence and foster empathy, which is something the world desperately needs.
Being a teenager is challenging enough; I won’t make it any harder. So yes, sweetie, I’ll happily bring your forgotten lunch today. Just don’t forget to do the laundry when you get home.
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In summary, helping my teen does not hinder her ability to become an adult; instead, it supports her growth while teaching her the importance of seeking assistance when needed.